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Mariah Carey had the responsibility of being the first performer during yesterday’s memorial service for Michael Jackson, opening with the Jackson 5 classic, “I’ll Be There.” And if she seemed a little off, a little less Mariah, there’s a reason.

She explained her choked up performance via a series of Twitter posts, saying:

“Just recovering from the day. Still filled w/sadness as we listen to KJLH in LA (Stevie Wonder’s radio station) paying tribute to MJ. Trying to sing today was basically impossible for me. I could barely keep myself from crying. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to pull it together and really do it right, but I was literally choked up when I saw him there in front of me. One thing I know is, we will never really have to say goodbye to MJ. His legacy lives on through his music and the millions of people. He inspired with his timeless music. He will be forever in our hearts.”

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