It was a moment that would break any parent’s heart. Add a public divorce and whirlwind work schedule to the mix, and you have Jennifer Lopez crying on the balcony of her Miami hotel while talking on the phone to her 3-year-old daughter, Emme, on Jan. 29. “I spoke to my daughter yesterday on the balcony and I shed a tear,” the superstar, 42, told Today's Matt Lauer. “I miss her so much.”
Of course life hasn’t been easy for J.Lo since her July split from husband-of-seven-years Marc Anthony. “The past six months have been really intense,” an insider tells OK! of J.Lo, who is coping with shared custody of her 3-year-old twins, her American Idol duties and her new talent search reality show Q’Viva! — filmed with Marc.
“She’s been on the go non-stop,” says the insider. “In a way that’s helped her deal with the emotions initially, but now they are starting to come to the surface. She can only run from her feelings for so long.”
And the most primal of those feelings is guilt over leaving twins Max and Emme. “She can’t stand being away from her kids,” explains the insider. “She hates that she can’t be there for them every moment anymore, and she’s blaming herself for that. It’s not that the twins don’t love their dad, but they are both very attached to Jennifer — especially Emme. She’s a real mommy’s girl.”
Meanwhile, J.Lo has been getting even closer to 24-year-old Casper Smart, which an insider says “brings even more ups and downs.” And working with Marc again has brought up a lot of past feelings. “They have kids,” says the insider. “He’s back to being charming. It’s all confusing for her. She’s facing the question of whether they should give it another chance.”
Whatever happens, they will always be in each other’s lives. Even Marc has said, “Marriage was just one chapter… And kids are another. We’ve got each other for life.”
But the new chapter has J.Lo missing her children. Says the insider, “She feels like her heart is being ripped out of her chest every time she has to leave them.”
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