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Ellen DeGeneres had a minor health scare yesterday, and the comedian decided to poke fun of the situation — especially the media interpretation of her run-in with paramedics.

In the opening monologue of her talk show Monday, Ellen explained she experienced some tightness in her chest, and before taping her show she decided to call the paramedics to the Warner Bros. lot.

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“First of all I’m totally fine,” she said to cheers from the audience. “The paramedics were strippers I had called, and so that’s how the rumors got started.”

She explained that she felt a tightness in her chest the night before.

“It was a cat so I moved it,” she quipped.

Her portrayal of the medical attention was even more hilarious.

“About 50 firetrucks and ambulances and one marching band short of a parade showed up outside of my office,” she said, adding that they broke her door down with an ax — odd, since it was open.

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Catch Ellen’s monologue from Monday’s show below.

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