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With a suit from Men’s Wearhouse, a no tie policy and a rock band at the reception, Charlie Sheen‘s wedding to Brooke Mueller was anything but traditional, so why should their vows be?

Eschewing the tired "to have and to hold," the bride and groom, who tied the knot in an intimate ceremony on May 30, each penned their own vows that were both sweet and a little strange and had their guests roaring with laughter.

The groom kicked it off with promises to "organize less and listen more," "quit breaking a hug too soon," and "mute the ball game when Brooke says, this is a matter of life and death," among others.

The bride followed, pledging to "cook more meals outside of the microwave," "keep the pile of debris on my side of the bed below the two foot mark," and "clean my closet at least once per decade."

Both closed their vows with "this and that, such and such. Yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah."

The quirky vows about each other’s annoying habits made the ceremony "more personal, more fun, lighter," Charlie tells OK!.

"The traditional vows are so outdated that these days, the only difference between a wedding and a funeral is the casket," he says.

Though he admits to being a poor hugger, some of the vows weren’t completely truthful, Charlie claims, since he’s "actually a really good listener."

"But [the vow] had a good written ring to it," he says. "Organize less part is something I deal with daily — I’m a Virgo and an extreme one and I just like my environment to maintain some sense of order at all times."

That would explain Brooke’s vow to clean her closet and keep the debris at a minimum. But the former real estate investor is quick to defend her organization techniques.

"He’s anal!" she exclaims." What it was is not really debris but clothing. He’s so clean and organized that if I leave my pajamas or my clothes on the side of the bed or some water…he thinks I’m being messy and not clean and organized. I think I’m just being relaxed and normal and not having to fold my pajamas and put them away the moment I wake up."

One thing Brooke isn’t denying, though, is the fact that she really can’t cook, but as her vow suggests, she will definitely be making an effort to whip up something nice for her man.

"I don’t know how to cook many things," she says. "A lot of women are great cooks and were brought up cooking and it’s not one of my attributes. But I promise him I’m going to start learning. I’m going to go learn how to cook through cooking classes and friends and I’m going to start."

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