“We lock the door or get a babysitter,” the Bachelorette star tells me when she and her husband visit the OK! office in NYC on behalf of The K-Y Brand’s Intimacy Experiment. “Stealing time wherever you can, and luckily our kids usually nap at the same time, so taking time while they’re napping or when they’re asleep or when you’re able to get away on trips – trying to enjoy each other’s company. And a lot of it is spending time not in the bedroom, too.”
Ever have any blunders when the tots made an entrance?
“Nooooooooo,” Trista, 38, says. “That will not be — hopefully — happening anytime soon, but I think locking the door is key.”
For the reality stars, keeping the kids out of their personal chamber comes naturally.
“Max has been in a big-boy bed for two years without being in a crib,” Trista says. “He does not get out of bed, even to get a drink of water or go to the bathroom or anything, so we don’t have that problem of worrying that he’s going to come upstairs. I actually want him to get out of his bed so he doesn’t have to ask me five times after I put him in bed to come give him a drink of water. Thankfully we don’t have that problem right now.”
How did they avoid the parent trap of letting the kids bunk with them when they can’t sleep?
“We never gave into our own personal temptation of letting your infant kid sleep with you, and getting them in the habit of knowing that they can come up and sleep with you,” Ryan, 36, tells me. “We’ve had friends that have done that, who have five-year-olds who want to do that all the time.”
He continues, “It’s like when you train a dog, and you give them their crate, pretty soon that becomes their spot and their sanctuary, and it’s the same thing with our kids. They feel safe in their beds, comfortable in their beds, so they don’t feel the need to come into ours because that’s their safety zone.”
Establishing bedroom behavior as soon as children come home from the hospital is difficult but necessary, Ryan says.
“Even now, if one of them gets sick and we’re laying in our bed with them, and they fall asleep … for a week after that, they’ll say ‘can I come up and sleep in your bed? I don’t feel good.’ Or they’ll try and figure out ways to get in.”
He continues, “They’re smarter than you would think a 2 and 3-year-old are. They know how to find their way to places they want to be, and you have to be disciplined in your parenting, because otherwise finding time to do things like the Intimacy Experiment is more difficult because they are constantly wanting to be around you, or they will wake up and go into your bedroom. If they feel safe in their spot and they stick to their routine, that makes the logistics of finding your own time together a little bit easier.”
Their policy makes it easy to put The K-Y Brand’s Intimacy Experiment into play.
“You need to put attention into your relationship to make it succeed over time,” Trista says. “Because it’s The K-Y Brand’s Intimacy Experiment, people may shy away from that thinking it’s too racy, but it’s completely the opposite. If you are having a good time together outside of the bedroom, then it translates into the bedroom, so it gives tips on how to reconnect through activities that you do on a day-to-day basis outside of the bedroom. That’s why I like it – because I wanted to refocus my attention on the priority that would be my relationship.”
Here’s my pic with Trista and Ryan:
Trista and Ryan support The K-Y Brand Intimacy Experiment, a 10-day relationship boot camp meant to help, inspire and empower couples to reignite the special spark in their relationship, both inside the bedroom and out.