Fashion icon and supermodel Kate Moss has always had the reputation of being the wild ultra skinny girl who partied too much, but in the December issue Vanity Fair, which she graces the cover of, Kate opens up about who she really is.
“I don’t want to be myself, ever. I’m terrible at a snapshot. Terrible. I blink all the time. I’ve got facial Tourette’s. Unless I’m working and in that zone, I’m not very good at pictures, really,” she tells the magazine.
Her wedding day to The Kills frontman Jamie Hince was no exception.
She went to famed fashion designer John Galliano for advice on who she should be.
“On my wedding day, I’m like freaking out, obviously. ‘You’ve got to give me a character.’ And [Galliano] said, ‘You have a secret—you are the last of the English roses. Hide under that veil. When he lifts it, he’s going to see your wanton past!’”
The 38-year-old started off in the modeling world at a young age and admits she had a break down after doing a Calvin Klein photo shoot she was uncomfortable with.
“I had a nervous breakdown when I was 17 or 18, when I had to go and work with Marky Mark and Herb Ritts,” she says. “It didn’t feel like me at all. I felt really bad about straddling this buff guy. I didn’t like it. I couldn’t get out of bed for two weeks. I thought I was going to die. I went to the doctor, and he said, ‘I’ll give you some Valium,’ and Francesca Sorrenti, thank God, said, ‘You’re not taking that.’ It was just anxiety. Nobody takes care of you mentally. There’s a massive pressure to do what you have to do."
Looking back into her early days, Kate talked about her now classic photo shoot with Corinne Day for The Face and how much pressure she felt to be topless. She says, “I see a 16-year-old now, and to ask her to take her clothes off would feel really weird. But they were like, If you don’t do it, then we’re not going to book you again. So I’d lock myself in the toilet and cry and then come out and do it. I never felt very comfortable about it. There’s a lot of boobs. I hated my boobs! Because I was flat-chested."
But that's not the only thing she hated. Because of her thin frame, she was quickly referred to as “heroin chic."
“I had never even taken heroin—it was nothing to do with me at all,” she says. “I think Corinne—she wasn't’t on heroin but always loved that Lou Reed song, that whole glamorizing the squat, white-and-black and sparse and thin, and girls with dark eyes. She loved that look. I was thin, but that’s because I was doing shows, working really hard. At that time, I was staying at a B and B in Milan, and you’d get home from work and there was no food."
Kate never really felt like she could rely on anyone industry until she started dating Johnny Depp. The pair were together from 1994-1998 and the spilt was hard on her.
“There’s nobody that’s ever really been able to take care of me. Johnny did for a bit. I believed what he said. Like if I said, ‘What do I do?,’ he’d tell me. And that’s what I missed when I left. I really lost that gauge of somebody I could trust. Nightmare. Years and years of crying. Oh, the tears!”
Now things are rather different for the former bad girl. She's happily married and has a 10-year-old daughter.
“I don’t really go to clubs anymore. I’m actually quite settled. Living in Highgate with my dog and my husband and my daughter! I’m not a hell-raiser. But don’t burst the bubble. Behind closed doors, for sure I’m a hell-raiser.”