Part of Lady Gaga‘s past is too “traumatic” to ever be revealed to her fans. The singer opened up to rock journalist Neil Strauss on why she’ll keep some things a secret, but reveals some of her other previous struggles.
Lady Gaga opened up to Neil and their conversation is partially printed in his new book, Everyone Loves You When You Are Dead.
“I asked her if she’d been through a traumatic experience when she was younger and she said yes, that it was when she was in New York and it was so terrible that she’d blocked it out,” Neil told Radar Online of his conversations with the singer.
“She said it was so horrible that she didn’t want it in her younger fans’ heads. I think she felt that if she opened up about herself, then it would define her and that’s all anyone would ask about.”
But Lady Gaga, 24, mostly blames herself for her past problems.
“I didn’t have a bad childhood,” she told Neil. “All of the things I went through were on my own quest for an artistic journey to f**k myself up like Warhol and Bowie and Mick, and just go for it.”
“All of the trauma I caused to myself,” she said. “Or it was caused by people that I met when being outrageous and irresponsible.”
And her past still haunts her today.
“Sometimes it freaks me out — or I should say it petrifies me — when I think about laying in my apartment (in New York) with bed bugs and roaches on the floor and mirrors with cocaine everywhere, and no will or interest in doing anything but making music and getting high,” she said.
“I’ve had such obstacles with drugs and rejection and people not believing in me. It’s been a very long and continuous road that I love, but it’s hard to just chalk it up to myself. I have to believe there’s something greater than myself.”