Usually, the Screen Actors Guild Awards are a mild affair, something for nominees to do between the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards. But since the Globes didn’t happen and the Oscars may be called off, OK! asked quick-typing Associate Editor Joyce Eng to break down the minute-by-minute happenings of what may end up being this season’s only A-list awards ceremony.
Coverage starts at bottom, so scroll all the way down and work your way up.
10:03 p.m.: And that’s all, folks. Just three minutes overtime too! Not bad.
10:02 p.m.: Woody Harrelson is so blitzed…
10:01 p.m.: "This is Javier’s 497th award!" He’s not far off!
10 p.m.: Ensemble Cast goes to… No Country for Old Men! They just took the edge for Best Picture at the Oscars.
10 p.m.: Tom needs to brush his hair…
9:59 p.m.: Julie Christie is ageless. Good lord.
9:58 p.m.: Lots o’ standing O’s tonight, no?
9:57 p.m.: Lead Actress goes to… another vet, Julie Christie… who has a speech prepared…
9:57 p.m.: Angelina Jolie‘s ta-tas are, uh, titillating…
9:56 p.m.: Marion looks about 10 years younger than her actual age.
9:55 p.m.: Guess Forest Whitaker had nothing else going on tonight.
9:54 p.m.: An emotinal DDL dedicates his Actor to Heath. Classy stuff.
9:52 p.m.: Daniel Day-Lewis. Shocker! Not! Most boring race of the year!
9:51 p.m.: Lead Actor goes to…
9:49 p.m.: Helen Mirren isn’t here to present Lead Actor either and I’m heartbroken. Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey will not do!
9:44 p.m.: Tom Cruise coming up, eh? He’ll probably do Ensemble Cast. How do his fellow actors perceive him these days?
9:43 p.m.: Can someone explain to me how George Clooney, Tom Wilkinson and Tilda Swinton all managed nods from the big three — Globes, SAGs and Oscars — but Michael Clayton isn’t nominated for Ensemble Cast?
9:42 p.m.: Final clip — No Country for Old Men.
9:41 p.m. And by the by, Supporting Actress at the Oscars is a free-for-all now!
9:40 p.m.: The microphone is totally blocking her nose and mouth. If only it was red…
9:39 p.m.: Supporting Actress goes to… Ruby Dee! SAGs love their veterans! Remember, this is the same group that nominated James Garner for The Notebook and Cloris Leachman for Spanglish.
9:38 p.m.: Tilda Swinton looks like a boy.
9:37 p.m.: Eddie Murphy didn’t show up either to pass on the crown, but honestly, who expected him to?
9:36 p.m.: Viggo Mortensen! Have my babies!
9:35 p.m.: SAG History 101 yet again… how many people there do you think are paying attention?
9:30 p.m.: And we end with Heath Ledger… was it only two years ago he adorably and nervously presented a clip from Brokeback Mountain? R.I.P. to all.
9:27 p.m.: And now the saddest part of the show — In Memoriam segment…
9:26 p.m.: Josh Brolin is also beautiful. Diane Lane even more so. Can I look like that at 43?
9:25 p.m.: Queen Latifah! Where is the Queen? A Globe and a SAG in two weeks!
9:23 p.m.: Oh, thank God. Way to make the award about yourself, Mick. TV Movie Actress goes to…
9:22 p.m. Uh, did Mickey win something and no one told me? Why is he babbling away?
9:21 p.m.: Mickey Rooney gets a standing O.
9:19 p.m.: Ben Foster looks like he’s 12… Remember when he was on Freaks and Geeks? And how about Get Over It? Not going to lie, that’s one of my guilty pleasures.
9:18 p.m.: TV Movie Actor goes to… Kevin Kline… who’s a no-show.
9:16 p.m.: Holly Hunter looks like a tall glass of milk.
9:11 p.m.: Great speech. Great guy. Well deserved!
9:08 p.m.: Um, why didn’t they seat Charles closer to the stage?
9:06 p.m.: Who else is hoping Sally Field and Burt Reynolds cross paths?
9:05 p.m.: Is it bad that Charles Durning will always be the priest from Everybody Loves Raymond to me?
9:02 p.m.: I would pay to hear the announcer say "whorehouse" again.
9:01 p.m.: Charles looked like John C. Reilly in his heyday!
8:57 p.m.: Denis Leary and Burt Reynolds are set to present to Charles Durning…
8:56 p.m.: Life (not "Lifetime"!) Achievement Award now… keep peeing and eating.
8:54 p.m.: SAG President Alan Rosenberg. Now’s the chance to pee and get food!
8:53 p.m.: More SAG History 101 from Blair…
8:48 p.m.: Jenna Fischer is adorable! And the dress is a major upgrade from that Emmy bow-tastrophy.
8:46 p.m.: Comedy Series Ensemble goes to… cast of The Office! Another repeat! Though it certainly was leaning toward 30 Rock, no? However, if you want ensemble acting, look no further than those at Dunder-Mifflin.
8:44 p.m.: Adrian Grenier looks a little… dirty. And I kind of like it…
8:43 p.m.: ::sigh:: Michael C. Hall gets no love for Dexter…
8:42 p.m.: Did Ruby Dee borrow those glasses from Nicole Richie?
8:41 p.m.: TV Comedy Actor goes to… Alec! Yay! Repeat champ!
8:40 p.m. On the other end of the clip spectrum — best clip ever for Alec Baldwin! Who doesn’t remember that ep when he played every racist stereotype out there? Oh yeah, everyone who doesn’t watch 30 Rock. Please watch.
8:39 p.m.: Yellow is definitely the color of the night. Wow, Kate Beckinsale.
8:38 p.m.: TV Comedy Actress goes to… Tina Fey! YES!! Globe. Check. SAG. Check. Now she needs to hit the trifecta with an (acting) Emmy this year!
8:36 p.m.: Chandra Wilson needs to take off that dress ASAP. Did she pilfer that from the Dreamgirls costume closet?!
8:31 p.m. Casey Affleck is incredibly bored… I don’t blame him.
8:30 p.m.: Supporting Actor goes to… Javier Bardem! No surprise! Onwards to Oscar!
8:28 p.m.: Jennifer Hudson didn’t show up to present supporting actor. Someone please tell me what else she’s got going on tonight.
8:27 p.m.: Anyone want to bet how many times Marion Cotillard‘s name will be butchered tonight?
8:26 p.m.: It should be noted that the SAGs are 1 for 5 with Best Picture Oscar nominees this year — its worst ever. Good job, guys.
8:25 p.m.: Clip time for Into the Wild, which got HOSED by the Oscars! Shame!
8:23 p.m.: The Actor goes to… duh… cast of The Sopranos. Thank God the farewell train is stopping here.
8:21 p.m.: Um, that was possibly the worst clip they could’ve shown for Grey’s Anatomy… reminds me why I don’t watch it.
8:20 p.m.: Vanessa Williams is looking hot in yellow! Here we go… Drama Series Ensemble…
8:19 p.m.: Thanks for the history lesson, B.
8:18 p.m.: Blair Underwood is a beautiful man.
8: 15 p.m.: Anyone remember when Edie had laryngitis a couple years at the Globes and couldn’t make a speech? No? Only me? Okay then…
8:13 p.m.: Edie Falco! So I guess Drama Series Ensemble is a lock for the mob?
8:12 p.m.: TV Drama Actress goes to…
8:11 p.m.: Zac Efron and Debra Messing both need to invest in haircuts.
8:10 p.m.: Not going to lie, Hairspray has a chance to take this. If you don’t know, the SAG equivalent of Best Picture is Ensemble in a Motion Picture.
8:09 p.m.: What do you think Nikki Blonsky broke when they told her the SAGs were still going on?
8:07 p.m.: James Gandolfini! One final hurrah. After the Emmys, I was so afraid "Spader" was going to follow "James."
8:06 p.m.: TV Drama Actor goes to…
8:05 p.m.: Steve Carell and Tina Fey first up. Amazing presenting duo! Let them stay on all night!
8:04 p.m.: Sandra Oh is the worst wrapped present ever.
8:03 p.m.: Oh, Ellen Burstyn. That was longer than her 14-second performance in Mrs. Harris that was, oh yeah, nominated for an Emmy!
8:02 p.m.: The traditional "I’m an actor" series… starting with Sally Field. At least she wasn’t censored this time.
8:00 p.m.: And we’re off…
7:59 p.m.: One minute to go ‘til the first and maybe only award show this season…
By Joyce Eng