TV RECAP: Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives:  I moved into my apartment five years ago. When I look back at where my life (and weight) was back then, it’s amazing how much of it has changed, and how much it hasn’t.

So I was very interested in seeing the ladies of Wisteria Lane five years in the future.

We already knew what kind of changes they had endured. Now it was time to find out why.  The crazy finale of last season, which left all the characters dangling five years in the future, was quickly explained, and also created a whole new realm of mysteries on Wisteria Lane, and I enjoyed the ride.

Opening on Susan and Mike in a car accident, we were left to wonder if Mike had died in that fiery crash, which had led Susan to be involved with a new man. Mike hadn’t. The downed stop sign that caused the collision led to the death of a mom and daughter in the other car. And it also led to the death of Mike and Susan’s relationship. They could never come to terms on how to emotionally process the crash and Mike left Susan. Tragedy can do that sometimes, which kind of sucks.

Bree had become the Martha Stewart of Wisteria Lane, writing cookbooks and making TV appearances. It had become “her baby,” as Orson put it, and rightfully so, since daughter Danielle had come and taken her little baby Benjamin, who Bree had sworn to raise in secret, leaving Bree with nothing. Her business? Really just a way to fill the void.

Oh, Gaby. Motherhood has taken its toll. With two kids running around the house, she barely had time for self-upkeep. But even under the baggy eyes and padded belly (we think?), Gaby hasn’t lost her fiery spirit. Getting daughter Juanita to run for the car to get some exercise? Mean, but effective. But little J is definitely her mom’s child as she hopped on the public bus once she caught on to mommy’s plan. Gabby should be happy that the apple, even if it is carry a few extra pounds, doesn’t fall far from the family tree.

Five years away from Wisteria lane does a body good, at least for Edie, who got a new husband, Neal McDonough from Boomtown!, and a rock-hard figure. (Whatever program she’s on, I gotta get!) I’m not sure if I can stare at Neal's eyes every week, but I am intrigued to know who he wants to take down on Wisteria Lane…

And then there’s Lynette. Her twins, now 16, are poster boys for juvenille delinquency. But Lynette still knows how to keep her family in check. When Tom ungrounded the boys for homecoming, she offered up his restored corvette for their mode of transportation, making her hubby realize that you have to be a parent first and foremost to your kids, no matter how cool you think they are. Props to whomever recast Lynette’s twins. They’re exactly how I would have imagined Preston and Porter to look at age 16.