1. A Spa Trip
She needs some rest and relaxation.
Because every birthday girl needs cupcakes, even if she's a porn actress.
3. Taylor Swift’s Latest Album
She needs something pure and sweet to listen to! Taylor Swift soothes all ills.
4. Mean Girls DVD
Farrah can be a little Regina George-y in her Twitter comments towards her fellow Teen Moms and assorted other celebs.
5. A Designated Driver
She was arrested for DUI earlier this year.
6. A Date with a Nice Boy
He should be cute and nerdy, and take her to Olive Garden.
7. An Attractive Birth Control Case
Remember when her dad discovered her birth control? Awkward. And after her recent pregnancy scare, she really needs to stay on top of this.
8. A Sit-Down with Catelynn Lowell
The two ex-costars have been warring in public as of late, and it makes us sad.
9. Hand Sanitizer
She's attending a porn convention this weekend and will be meeting lots of people. Keep it clean, girl.
10. A Fancy Dog Bed
She has an adorable Yorkie who deserves the best.
11. A Hug
No, but really. She's having a really tough year—is anyone hugging this girl?
12. A Barbie for Sophia
Can't leave her out! Farrah's daughter needs a treat, too.
13. Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape
She can thank Kim for that major paycheck from Vivid Entertainment. Kim paved the way!
14. A Session with Dr. V
Dr. V from 'LA Shrinks' could definitely help her talk out her issues.
15. A Copy of ‘Eat Pray Love’
It helps people! It might expand her horizons.
16. A Chat with Paris Hilton
She could give her some advice on the whole sex-tape-15-minutes-of-fame thing.
17. ‘Teen Mom Confidential’ Book
This behind-the-scenes book needs to be on her coffee table.
18. Support from Caroline Manzo
She needs an awesome mom figure in her life, and Caroline would be up to the task.
19. An Invitation to Taylor Swift’s Friend Posse
Taylor Swift has amassed what seems to be an adorable, loving group of gals. Taylor, send her a text.
20. A Giftcard to Victoria’s Secret
Farrah showed off a backpack full of underwear in her sex tape. Clearly, she's a lingerie fan.
21. Acting Lessons
Her dialogue delivery left a little to be desired in that sex tape.