Fantasia Barrino is speaking out on her “accidental overdose” and saying that it was no accident — she wanted to kill herself.
In an episode of VH1′s Behind the Music, airing tomorrow night, Fantasia explains the state of mind she was in when she overdosed compared to how she’s doing now.
“I didn’t have any fight in me,” she says on the show (via E! News). “I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted out. At that moment I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with — all of it, all of that s–t.”
“I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace,” she adds. “I knew exactly what I was doing. You can’t accidentally take a whole bottle of pills.”
At the time, Fantasia says she thought that was her only escape from being wronged by others.
“I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family — my father, dealing with men and their s–t—I was tired,” she explains. “My head was hurting me. I was over it.”
One of the problems she was facing was being accused of having an affair with Antwaun Cook by his wife Paula.
“When I met him, he was separated… wasn’t living in his home,” she says. “He didn’t want to be back with his wife — that is what I was told.”
And that’s the first thing she thought about when she woke up in the hospital.
“I remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking], ‘It didn’t work, I’m still here in this hellhole,’ ” she recalls. ” ‘Still here with all this drama going on.’ “
But her nurse helped her face reality.
“She told me what I needed to hear,” Fantasia explains. “And she looked at me and said, ‘You gotta get up, and you’ve gotta get out of here, ’cause you haven’t fulfilled your destiny.’ “
“I realized how people end up in the grave. Because that one moment of just breaking or feeling like I can’t, I can’t go on, it’s too heavy,” she says. “That was somewhere I don’t ever want to go again.”