The 47-year-old Goop founder wrote that there was “always a bit of unease and unrest” during her marriage to the 43-year old English singer, Martin.
Paltrow wrote in her letter that she had felt the overwhelming feeling that something was going south in their marriage during her birthday trip to Italy in 2010.
“I don’t remember which day of the weekend it was or the time of day. But I knew – despite long walks and longer lie-ins, big glasses of Barolo and hands held – my marriage was over,”
The Iron Man actress continued in her letter “It would be years until we said the words aloud. But, that weekend, a dam had cracked just enough to hear the unrelenting trickle of truth. And it grew louder until it was all I could hear.”
The famous couple was married from 2003 to 2014 when they announced they’re “consciously uncoupling”- a term that their therapist advised them to use during the time.
Paltrow said, “I was intrigued, less by the phrase, but by the sentiment.” She continued, “Was there a world where we could break up and not lose everything? Could we be a family, even though we were not a couple? We decided to try.”
The Glee actress explained in her letter that they just “didn’t quite fit together. But, man did we love our children.” The former couple shares two children- their 16-year-old daughter, Apple, and their 14-year-old son, Moses.
The Academy Award-winning actress said: “We did not want to fail. We didn’t want to let anyone down. We desperately didn’t want to hurt our children. We didn’t want to lose our family.”
“We had great days and terrible days,” said the proud mother of two. “Days when we couldn’t stand each other, but forced ourselves to remember what we were aiming for. Somehow finding a way to smile and hug, and take the kids out for brunch like we had planned.”
While the couple was ridiculed for using the phrase consciously uncoupling,” the Avengers actress explained that the term helped her still love her ex-husband for all the reasons she fell for him.
“It’s OK to stay in love with the parts of your ex that you were always in love with.” She said, “In fact, that’s what makes conscious uncoupling work. Love all of those wonderful parts of them.”
The author of multiple cookbooks disclosed that allowing herself to still love those parts of ‘The Scientist’ singer helped their family dynamics and the relationship between the singer and his kids.
“They still exist, they can still make you feel the way you felt for that person,” Paltrow wrote. “Rather than shutting them out, lean into the unfamiliarity of those feelings and explore them.”
Four years since their divorce was finalized, the former ex-lovers remain on good-terms as they co-parent their two loved-up children.
Paltrow and 48-year-old Falchuk first met on the set of Glee back in 2010 and went public with their relationship in 2015.
She opened up about her new marriage to InStyle, “I adore my husband. He’s brilliant and deeply kind. I feel like he’s a real equal, too. And he pushes me in the best of ways. I really like being married. It’s fun.”
The singer-songwriter/record producer has moved on to his current beaut, 30-year-old Johnson. Rumors sparked of the two becoming an item back in 2017 when the couple was spotted out for a sushi date. Since then, they have been seen attending events together throughout the years and were spotted with matching tattoos.
Martin and Johnson kept their relationship on the down-low; however, the 50 Shades of Grey actress told Tatler magazine in 2018 that she was not going to talk about her relationship but is “very happy.”
Paltrow said in an interview in January 2020 with Harper’s Bazaar that she absolutely adores the How to be Single actress.
“I can see how it would seem weird because it’s sort of unconventional. But I think, in this case, just having passed through it iteratively, I just adore her. I always start to think of the ampersand sign—what else can you bring in, instead of being resistant to or being made insecure by? There’s so much juice in leaning in to something like that.”
The Primetime Emmy Award winner ends her letter to British Vogue writing, “I know my ex-husband was meant to be the father of my children, and I know my current husband is meant to be the person I grow very old with.”
“Conscious uncoupling lets us recognize those two different loves can coexist and nourish each other.”
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