OK!‘s Elizabeth Herr breaks down our fave show of the night: American Idol!

"Sure, Seacrest, Tuesday’s show was one of the most dramatic yet, if by dramatic you mean mind-numbingly boring. It did bring in the highest vote tally of the season, though, 51 million, with the top three all getting within 1 million votes of each other.
We get some Ryan/judges back and forth about the performances, Randy feeling the need to clarify that Syesha Mercado was not crying because of anything he said to her. You’re right, dawg, she was crying to make people vote for her. And by the way, Simon wasn’t angry, he just hated the song choices. Join the club, my man.

The group sing is “Reelin’ in the Years.” Ugh, Steely Dan. Thank god they didn’t do a medley, because all of SD’s stuff sounds the same and everyone would have thought it was just one long, unbearable song. That being said, Jason Castro sounded good enough on his solo here that I think he would have done well to go with something from the SD repertoire, “Ricky Don’t Lose That Number” perhaps, or my sister’s favorite, “Babylon Sister” (hi, Jen!).

From group sing we go into the recap of Tuesday’s atrocities against music. Even my cookie David Cook wasn’t on top of his game. “Baba O’Reilly” was a great choice, but he underplayed the thing that makes the song great, its propulsive riff. And if David Archuleta truly did crush the competition, as the judges say, it’s only because the entire show was lackluster and blah.

Archuleta’s first out on stage, of course, because there’s no way he’s not safe. He tells Ryan he’s nervous but happy to have gotten to sing the songs he did last night because he really connected with them. Or his dad told him he did, same diff.

I’ve put up with a lot from this show over the years, but comparing the final four to the Fab Four? Puh-lease. So they get flown to Vegas to see the Cirque du Soleil Beatles show. And play with dolphins. And get makeovers. Scintillating.

Cook’s next to the stage. I will give Idol this: Just when you think you know where the show’s going, they switch it up on you. I figured they’d bring him out with Syesha or Jason to maximize drama, so I was thrown off that he came out right after Archuleta. With Cook’s meh performances, I really did fear at this point that he’d be in trouble. But Ryan made quick work of sending him over to the couches. I shouldn’t really be surprised — the investment now is fully in a David/David final, so they have to keep those two as close together in our minds as possible.

Jason and Syesha come out and Ryan pretends he’s going to spill the beans, and Castro’s all, “You’re going to tell us right now?” Jason, honey, have you watched this show before?

Ford commercial: “Ring of Fire.” Cook’s hot, but even he can’t work those toreador pants. Oy.

I do not want to hear the words “Taylor Hicks” and “lick” in the same sentence ever. Ew.

 

Stupid call-in segment. Some creepy chick asks Cook on a date. Someone else asks all of them about their biggest challenges on the show. I’ll field this one if you don’t mind. Castro: actually giving a s**t. Archuleta: keeping his eyes open. Syesha: having no soul. Cook: being awesome (yeah, I know, not a challenge. Shut up).

Maroon 5 does some tour pimping. I am alternately attracted to and repulsed by Adam Levine. I don’t know what it is. He’s hot but seems like he could be a douche. Bo Bice’s look hasn’t changed since he was on the show three years ago. His hair is longer than mine, and mine is really long. As my dad would say, get a ’do!

Castro’s a goner because everyone hated him on Tuesday night and he forgot the words, a lot. He potheads, “Somebody told me that I shot the tambourine man. I thought that was pretty funny, heh heh.” Also, he doesn’t know what it is, but this learning songs thing is hard, you guys. He proceeds to give the most stonerrific sing-out in the history of the show, and then they cut him off. Ha!" — ELizabeth

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