Breaking news in the “totally unsurprising” category: Michael Lohan is talking about his famous daughter Lindsay Lohan again, telling X17 he wants conservatorship over her, à la Jamie Spears/Britney, or he’ll kidnap her.

“I’m going to see the judge this week — I can’t believe they didn’t drug test Lindsay when she went into court,” he says.

If/when the whole conservatorship thing doesn’t fly, Michael’s got a back-up plan.

“If I can’t get a conservatorship, then I’m going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight,” he reveals. “But I know I’m gonna get charged w/ kidnapping. Lindsay doesn’t even know; she thinks she’s herself but with all these prescription drugs and other stuff.”

Last week, MiLo made a plea on Maury, begging his daughter to save her own life before it’s too late, by letting him help her.

“I’m not going to bury you, you’re gonna bury me before this is over. I’m gonna do anything and everything I have to to save your life, whether mom likes it, the public likes it, or anyone,” he said. “I’m going to take all the steps I can to help you cuz I want you to have your life back. I’m not going to see you destroy yourself anymore.”

We don’t know whether LiLo should run… or listen to her father, for once.

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