Monday Night TV Roundup

How I Met Your Mother: "Time for another one of Barney's theories! Things are going dandy for Ted — job's good, got a girlfriend (Stella... which means more Sarah Chalke?) — so he purchases a car. His bubble is burst when Marshall creeps up all distraught. Really tough day at the office — 'Artillery' Arthur Hobbes, his boss, unleashed on Marshall for neglecting to finish 'The Ninja Report.' Unable to hold it together, Marshall bursts into tears in front of Arthur and can't figure out how to approach double-A tomorrow. Robin, Ted and a very, very horny Lily offer advices (dressed as Marshall). Robin suggests gun violence; Ted, a convoluted speech about America's rights; and Lily, a civil speech about being treated with respect. Barney disagrees and tells Marshall he must yell at someone himself — to continue the Chain of Screaming, which is a decelerating level of authority bitchfest. Marshall's supposed to complain to Lily, but he refuses. Cut to next evening, when Lily is near orgasm testing carpets for the new apartment. Marshall calls Ted and asks him to pretend he's talking to Stella and come downstairs (Marshall talking in a girly voice was a nice touch... even though there was no reason for him to!). They hole up in Ted's car — Marshall with ketchup-y burger in hand much to Ted's dismay — and Marshall begins his tale. After the pow-wow the night before, he headed to a diner to finish 'The Ninja Report,' where Barney caught up with him and implored him to explode at their waiter. Instead, the waiter unloaded on Marshall. Robin piles in with a giant vanilla fro-yo cone and Barney climbs into the car with a Cuban cigar. Not looking good for the new wheels! Back to Marshall's story — Barney finally tells him to yell at him to get his anger out. Gradually, Marshall barks at Barney, his slutty mother, lack of father figure and the cold corporate world he works in... which weaves into his scolding of Arthur... and ends with him quitting his job. Feeling guilty since Lily supported him throughout law school, Marshall 'fesses up to Lily in Ted's car and assures her he'll beg for his job back the next day. Lily tells him not to because she'd much rather have her hubby back and they'll figure out their finances somehow. The solution? Ted, who returned his car, where, yes, Marshall and Lily had sex, writes them a check. So the writers find yet another way to keep the three in the same apartment. Are they ever going to move out?!" -- Joyce