11:55pm: That’s it — good night. Until next year…

11:52pm:
And the winner is… Slumdog Millionaire! Oh, sorry… didn’t mean to wake you.

11:51pm:
Let’s just hurry up and give the award to Slumdog so we can all go to bed.

11:47pm:
Just one more to go!! Let’s get this over with!

11:44pm:
Mickey Rourke is going to body slam Sean.

11:42pm: And the winner is… Sean Penn!!!??

11:40pm: I’m putting my money on Mickey. Don’t disappoint.

11:39pm:
I so want Richard Jenkins to win. He won’t, but I want it.

11:38pm: Robert DeNiro just got the biggest laugh of the night.

11:37pm: I really hate the whole "Sir" Ben Kingsley thing. Knights don’t make movies with an Olsen twin.

11:36pm: Moving on to Best Actor…

11:35pm:
I really hope Mickey Rourke wins because I don’t think he’ll be panting like a schoolgirl.

11:34pm: Is she going to pass out? Get her a tank of oxygen, stat!

11:33pm:
Kate Wins-let. Get it? See what I did there?

11:32pm:
Anyone else notice that all the other Best Actress nominees were heaped with praise while Nicole Kidman just gave a recap of Changeling‘s plot?


11:31pm:
Was going to say something about Sophia Loren, but… No comment.

11:30pm: We’re officially heading into overtime.

11:27pm: It looks like Shirley is scolding Anne Hathaway.

11:26pm:
Nicole Kidman’s here?

11:25pm:
Time for Best Actress. Sorry Angelina, but you’re the only one who doesn’t stand a shot. So that’s my pick — anyone but Angie.

11:22pm:
Eight minutes left — will they make it? I’m betting no.

11:21pm:
Did I tell ya or did I tell ya. That’s Oscar # 7 for Slumdog.

11:19pm: Best Director — Danny Boyle’s got a lock on this one.

11:18pm: It’s Reese, so that’s gotta be a big award.

11:15pm:
Gotta admit.. I do miss Paul Newman.

11:11pm:
Oh jeez… it’s tissue time. Bring on the "In Memoriam" montage.

11:09pm:
Okay… now there’s nothing left but the big four. Unless they slip in another tribute on us.

11:07pm: Departures wins. Well color me wrong.

11:06pm:
I’m picking Waltz with Bashir.

11:03pm:
Time for that last pee break before (hopefully) the home stretch.

11:02pm:
Only 5 more to go!! After they do the Foreign thing, maybe we’ll get a real award.

11:01pm: Slumdog wins trophy #6 on the night.

11:00pm:
How much do you think Hugh wanted to be in that number?

10:59pm:
Was really hoping M.I.A. would take the stage with her baby.

10:56pm:
Slumdog’s got a 66% chance of winning Best Song, so I’m going with the odds.

10:54pm:
And I’m right!

10:54pm: Picking Slumdog for Score.

10:50pm:  I love that they spent some god-awful amount of time on that horrendous song and dance number earlier, but the nominated songs only get to be part of a medley.

10:46pm:
More songs coming up. Heaven forbid they just hand out the award.

10:42pm: Great… time to honor Jerry Lewis.

10:41pm:
I thought Eddie Murphy was banned from the Oscars after Norbit.

10:37pm:
We’re getting so close. Only 7 more categories to go. Time to slow it down with some annoyingly grating production numbers and lifetime achievement tributes.

10:35pm:
That’s award #4 for Slumdog. Think it might win Best Picture?

10:34pm:
Editing… It’s gonna be Slumdog.

10:33pm:
Stay, Will, stay… At least you can sing.

10:32pm:
And Slumdog bites me in the butt.

10:31pm:
Sound Mixing… I’ll try my luck with Dark Knight again.

10:30pm:
And I am vindicated…

10:29pm:  I don’t care how many times I’ve got it wrong, but I’m picking Dark Knight for Sound Editing.

10:27pm:
Wrong again. Ben Button wins. Shrug.

10:26pm:
I bet Visual Effects goes to Dark Knight...

10:25pm:
Will Smith likes action movies because they bought his 78 Bentleys.

10:24pm: Why do they do this every year? Just show the frickin awards.

10:22pm:
That Jimmy Kimmel Show ad was better than any production number tonight.

10:20pm:
I can’t wait for the montage of action movies. Seriously. It means I can go get more popcorn.

10:19pm: Everyone cheers for a film they’ve never seen nor will ever see… yay, Hollywood!

10:18pm:
I’m not even going to pick a short subject winner.

10:17pm:
That Frenchie is a showoff.

10:16pm:
Oh well… Man on Wire won. Next!

10:15pm: Best Documentary Feature… I’ll pick the Herzog movie.

10:14pm:
Why is Bill doing his standup schtick?

10:13pm:
Bill Maher… Mr. Sensitive.

10:12pm:
I miss the Spirit Awards, where you can drop the F-bomb without being bleeped.

10:11pm:
Nothing picks up an audience after a heartbreaking speech than Werner Herzog.


10:10pm:
Not a dry eye in the house.

10:o8pm:
What a shock. Congrats, Heath… wherever you are.

10:07pm: This is going to be a tear-jerker of an acceptance.

10:05pm: All this just to give away the night’s only dead-certain lock? It’s a bit much.

10:04pm:
Another "let’s take 5 minutes to introduce the nominees" presentation. For Best Supporting Actor. If this doesn’t go to Heath Ledger, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle… whatever that means.

10:02pm:
Wow, look at all those great moments from past ceremonies — that all involved handing out awards!! Get back to it, please!!!!

9:59pm:
They’ve handed out 2, count ’em — 2, awards in the last 30 minutes.

9:57pm: I’m assuming at some point there will be an award handed out tonight.

9:56pm:
My lord… end it now. Before more children get hurt.

9:54pm:
Now Beyoncé is taking part in this… this… whatever it is.

9:53pm:
What the f— is going on?

9:52pm:
Hugh Jackman is a little TOO happy that the musical is back.

9:48pm:
Another ad break?? Seriously…

9:47pm: I was right about one thing — I got that one wrong.

9:46pm:
Live Action Short… time for me to get another one wrong. I’m going with Auf der Strecke.

9:45pm:
I know that was supposed to be funny.


9:43pm:
Wow… another chance to show movies that weren’t n
ominated. Why?

9:40pm: Didn’t we just take a commercial break. They could at least have done the Documentary Short Subject in that spot!

9:39pm:
This is nice and all, but… yawn.

9:38pm:
What is that thing on the front of Jessica Biel’s dress? It looks like it’s beginnning to mutate.

9:37pm:
15 more categories (plus a few musical numbers and all that lifetime achievement stuff) to go.

9:36pm:
Time to refresh the beverage.

9:35pm:
And I was right! Chalk another one up for Slumdog and another one for me.

9:34pm:
Cinematography award has Slumdog written all over it.

9:33pm:
Note to Ben, you retired from being funny with Meet the Fockers.

9:32pm:
The Joaquin Phoenix thing was funnier yesterday at the Spirit Awards. Sorry Ben.

9:29pm: One hour in… 32 to go.

9:27pm:
What’s the point of this montage? It’s basically every movie released last year.

9:26pm:
Would it hurt RPatts to shave for the Oscars?

9:25pm:
Watch out, Amanda!! There’s a teen vampire on stage!

9:24pm:
Phew! I’m back, baby!

9:23pm:
Make-Up time. I’m on a bad streak, so I’m going to say Ben Button wins, but I hope Dark Knight does. Which means neither will.

9:21pm:
The Duchess wins? I thought people actually had to see a movie for it to count.

9:20pm: Time for Costume Design… My crystal ball says Benjamin Button.

9:19pm:
Did David Fincher use a soup bowl to cut his hair?

9:17pm:
Dangit… Ben Button wins. That’s two in a row wrong for me. And I had so much promise in my youth.

9:16pm: Is it time for Dark Knight to score a win? That’s my pick.

9:16pm: Where did SJP get those boobs??

9:14pm:
No joke here — there are still 20 categories to go.

9:10pm: Did he just quote "Mr. Roboto"?? He is my new favorite person!

9:09pm:
Oh well… I missed one. Sue me.

9:08pm:
I get the feeling my streak is about to end… but I’m gonna go with the Lavatory Love Story thing.

9:07pm:
And I’m a perfect 4 for 4!!

9:06pm:
I’m picking Wall-E

9:05pm: Do we need a reminder of the handful of animated movies that came out last year?

 

9:04pm: Think Angie headed to the bathroom early?

9:03pm:
Oh crud, Jen Aniston!!

9:01pm:
Three for three, baby!! I smell a perfect night at the Oscars for me.

8:59pm:
And now time for Adapted Screenplay… Time for Slumdog‘s first award.

8:57pm:
Dang I’m good!! That’s two for two. I should have bet money on this…

8:56pm: And the winner is…

8:55pm: 
Original Screenplay time… I’m betting on Milk.

8:54pm: Remember when Steve Martin used to make funny movies?

8:53pm: I hope it doesn’t take as long for this award…

8:50pm:
Time for the first of many pee breaks.

8:49pm: One down and about 3000 more to go.

8:48pm:
Hahahaha!! I was right! And I haven’t even seen the movie. Congrats, Penélope!

8:47pm: At this rate, we’ll be done some time next week.

8:46pm:
Holy crud… just announce the winner already!

8:45pm: Wow, this is taking a heck of a long time.

8:44pm: And the winner for Best Supporting Actress is… (I’m picking Penelope Cruz)

8:43pm: Wow… Five great actresses who can’t get jobs because they’re too old by Hollywood standards.

8:42pm: I get the feeling it’s time for Best Supporting Actress…

8:41pm:
The odds are higher that Brangelina will walk out with a baby than with an Oscar.

8:40pm: I think Mickey Rourke wants to body-slam Hugh.

8:38pm:
Are we watching the Oscars or the Tonys?

8:37pm:
At least he admits he didn’t see The Reader. Did anyone in the Academy?

8:36pm:
Bring back Billy Crystal, please.

8:35pm:
I will forever be haunted by the image of Hugh Jackman’s huge head on a baby’s body.

8:34pm: Why is Dark Knight being mentioned when the Academy completely overlooked it for Best Picture?

8:32pm: The Flight of the Conchords guys just got angry about the dig at New Zealand.

8:31pm: Alright, let’s see if Hugh can do this without making an ass out of himself.

8:28pm:
I love how Brad Pitt and Angelina completely blew off Tim Gunn on the red carpet.

8:27pm:
Everyone must be moving inside; they’re showing the boring behind-the-scenes stuff.

8:25pm: Settling in with some popcorn and a beverage, waiting for the show to start.

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