American Idol: “A not-so-live blog on the Top 12 reveal… Ooh, the Top 12 are getting a new stage. Hmmm, does Ryan practice his “This — is American Idol” every night in the mirror? Who’s back? Last season’s rapping Blake. I’m thinking, not so great. Paula’s video is number one? Simon is freaking out! Highlights from Tuesday night? But I watched it already, live! Oh, more David Cook? Then it’s all right. And he gets the first chair, whoo hoo! David Archeluta next, then Jason Castro. So far, so good. Gal highlights. Really don’t need to be reminded. Really. Pretty Brooke English makes it through. Syesha Mercado gets a chair. Britney Spears, I mean Kady Malloy, goes home. Singing after getting canned sucks! Stripper Boy David Hernandez makes it through. So does the late Michael Hutchence and Jim Morrison’s love child, Michael Johns! Luke Menard is out. He’s not surprised. Cute as all heck, but vocals never quite right. We’ll see him again, on a soap. Back to the girls. Carly Smithson is through. America loves the Irish! Only two left, and Ryan goes to break. Heartless! And the chair goes to… Kristy Lee Cook, no! My petite powerhouse Asia’h Epperson is out, but I know her dad is smiling down proudly. We’ll see more from her someday… Chikezie and Danny Noriega left. Who goes home? Danny, shockingly! (Chikezie has been paying his dues just a little bit longer!) Danny. You’re young. You’re fierce. I know we ain’t seen the last of you!” — TV Fanatic

Lipstick Jungle: "Can this show be more predictable? Because, really, it’s utterly ridiculous now. I think I stopped counting clichés and recycled storylines at around number 14. Impressed by Shane’s play with his old band, Wendy gets the brilliant idea to pitch one of his old demos to her upcoming film’s director, who just so happens to be named David Hernandez — the name more synonymous with "gay stripper" than "American Idol finalist" these days. (And if you’re curious, no, this DH wouldn’t be caught dead dancing nude. He looks like the troll brother of David Krumholtz.) Wendy submits the demo under "Shane McCormack" to masquerade nepotism and convinces Shane it’s the way to go because a) he needs a job and b) his stuff is Just. That. Good. Here’s what I don’t understand: She’s been married to the guy for more than a decade and she’s just now recognizing and complimenting his talent? Way to emasculate and insult your man, Wendy. Unable to contain her excitement when David gushes over Shane’s score, Wendy comes clean, but insists David — who said he wants to go with someone else — not let her marital relation influence his decision. But of course it does and Shane gets the gig and very giddy while Wendy is left wrought with guilt. You’re only going to feel more craptastic when Shane finds out the truth — because you know this show will go there! As for Nico, Charles is conveniently in Vienna, so sneaking off to Kirby’s is much easier! Skank. Wanting to maintain a purely physical relationship, she drafts a list of rules for Kirby to follow and proceeds to beg Wendy to score him a job to help him out. He ends up snapping stills for the boob-tacular actress Sasha Winters, who invites Kirby as her plus-one to Nico’s fundraiser. Nico tells him to go because hey, they’re nothing more than f*** buddies, but naturally it’s much more than that. She abolishes the rules and they get it on since, you know, all of their major problems are over. Victory, meanwhile, just keeps accumulating problems. She flips her lid and double-flares her nostrils after seeing her dresses on display under Ricardo Bragini and spends what seems like five years bitching and moaning about it and how she can’t find her sketches for them. Um, great organization there. Of course, it was her former assistant Reese who grabbed them weeks ago, and the klepto shows up with a tear-filled apology about how she tried to pass off the designs as hers and that bastard Bragini must’ve memorized them. Vic doesn’t believe her, which is probably the first time ever she’s shown some brains, and wears one of the dresses to Nico’s bash, to which Reese and Ricardo are both invited. Reese admits she sold the designs before tearing apart V’s dress. And then we get the best catfight in history of television: Victory pushes Reese into a bench of ice. I smell an Emmy for stunt work for that choreographer! Things look up the next day though when venture capitalist Diego tells an underwear-clad Victory he wants to invest in her business. Yeah, I’m sure that’s not all he wants to invest in." — Joyce

 

 

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