OK!’s Joyce Eng, Derek Ivie and Rana Meyer break down your Tuesday night faves!

Dancing with the Stars: “Oh, the irony! After the selective casting, heavy touting for a woman winner, and three semifinalists of the XX gender, a male takes the star-studded Mirror Ball trophy. So Helio Castroneves it is and for a third consecutive season, a male athlete has taken the crown. I’m starting to think the only way a female can win again is if the gal is a female athlete. We already know Kristi Yamaguchi loves the show, so come on, down, sista! Besides, who doesn’t love figure skaters? You know there’s a part of you that has a soft spot for Tonya Harding too. Don’t lie. Although if you really want to ensure a female champ, go for Michelle Kwan! Duh! A Mirror Ball trophy trumps Olympic gold any day! Anyhow, who didn’t feel bad for Mel B and Maksim Chmerkovskiy? Maybe their bottom two showing in the fourth week was foreshadowing this upset – her fan base was never there and Helio just lapped her with his charm. Plus, Julianne Hough has an undeniable legion of fans too. But poor Maks, he always comes up just shy of the win and he really deserved it this time too with Mel, with whom he’s completely smitten. Note to Mel: Dump your rebound hubby and jump on Maks ASAP! That’s the best consolation prize there is. We can’t be too upset with the results though since Marie Osmond did not win! There is a God! Barely twenty minutes in and chick was eliminated…and never to be seen or heard from again til the end. Bitter much? The rest of the finale was filler, but good filler. It was nice to see some of the couples again, especially Albert Reed. Oh, Albert, you were gone way too soon. Damn you, America. But that sprinkler was awesome. And the line of the night goes to this witty exchange: Mel: God. Maks: Just call me Maks. Oh, I will.” — Joyce

The Biggest Loser: “America had to choose its favorite challenge for the Losers to take on. We picked the poll over the pool challenge. In the second season Suzy and Andrea held on for over an hour. This year’s Losers held on for no more than 15 minutes… at the most! They won a week vacation with their family to the Andre Agassi resorts of America, I think. Bill won and everyone was mad. The best was when it was Julie and Bill left and Nicole shouts to Julie to hold on to the poll as if she were hugging her son in the snow. I thought that was odd. After Alison tells Bill that he was the winner those crazy Losers decide to jump in the pool. Nicole dives head first into the 3 foot section and breaks her front teeth. What is going on with our reality friends these days? Jennah from Top Model did the same thing this season! They are all worrying me! There are broken teeth scattered about reality show pools! Nicole is rushed to the dentist the next day and all is well. The Losers than meet with the doctors that they met with at the beginning of the season and are shown how much diet and exercise has improved their lives. It was really great to see that the healthy lifestyles they have been leading have drastically cut down their risks of high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes! NICE WORK LOSERS! At the weigh-in B and Hollie fall below the yellow line, and Neil makes it under 300 lbs! Kim and B have a heart-to-heart since they know he is being sent home. B has lost over 100 lbs and is looking great. I love when his wife says she thinks that losing the weight has given him “too much testosterone.” Naughty naughty! Oh by the way, what happens to Kim now? Is she just gone from the show? I guess we’ll see!” — Derek

House: Two wrongs don’t make a right, but four wrongs do. And with that, we get three new ducklings — Taub, Kutner and Thirteen. Are you surprised? I wasn’t since I’ve known since this summer, but I did appreciate the way Cutthroat Bitch was fired after botching the final “game.” Aging rock star Jimmy Quidd (Jeremy Renner) came in spewing blood, but House believes there’s more to him than just drugs. So does Thirteen because why pigeonhole someone you don’t know? CTB doesn’t because to her, once a druggie, always a druggie. Upping the stakes, the final four can test their theories one by one depending on who holds the eye serpent and are graded on a deducted scale of 100 points that could fall below zero and rise above 100 as well saw with CTB’s score for the former and Thirteen’s for the latter. After blood clots proved CTB wrong, Thirteen believes it’s malaria and she and Taub find the patient entertaining kids in pediatrics. Cue foreshadowing. He passes out and we learn he has blood fragments and respiratory failure, leading Kutner to guess pulmonary embolism. No go. On a congenital defect hunch, Taub convinces Chase to cut open the poor guy in surgery to look at his heart and what do we find? Lots and lots of lymph nodes. Stumped yet again…but wait. Remember those kiddies? Ol’ Quidd has had experience with lots of them. Kutner informs House the guy volunteers with abandoned kids, who realizes Quidd was never vaccinnated and contracted a good old virus in his brain. What was it? Measles. And with that, CTB is gone because of her unwillingness to be wrong and to lose. Guess it doesn’t pay off to be cutthroat! House fires Thirteen too on Cuddy’s orders to just hire Taub and Kutner, but that was part of his conniving plan to hire Thirteen in the end. Once Cuddy learns he actually heed her word for once, she tells him to hire Thirteen so they won’t be accused of sexism. Because, you know, two guys and one girl is totally better than his old team of two guys and one girl. Speaking of which, I hope since all the hiring shenanigans are over with that the former trio, Cameron and Chase especially, come back into the fray more frequently than just for a brief one or two scenes. How much must it sting to know that a group of guest stars, save the hired three, have gotten more lines and screen time than you for half the season? Ouch. Elsewhere, House also plays a game with Wilson — bribing his cancer-free patient, whom Wilson diagnosed with adenocarcinoma and six months to live three months ago, to sue Wilson for prolonging his life. Totally got him back for that guitar trick Wilson pulled! — Joyce

Beauty and the Geek: “This episode felt like The Bachelor all of a sudden and kind of a filler episode as well. It was time for the partners to take each other home to meet their friends and family. When it came to Dave and Jasmine’s visits, it was pretty much what was expected. Dave had pretty geeky friends who loved to run around Boston playing their imaginary game of Larping, and surprisingly Jasmine had a lot of fun getting into this afternoon of killing each other with fake swords. On the flip side, in Jasmine’s home state of Ohio, we finally met her mom and sister, who were really sweet and down to earth, very much like Jasmine herself. These two are just so sweet and they really have put everything they have into this game. But then there’s the other duo, Nicole and Sam. They have worked hard too, but I think some parts of this game have come too easy to them. But it was fun to see a little bit into their real lives. Sam took Nicole to meet his brother and pals at one of his favorite bars, where we were treated to their imitation of Keanu Reeves from The Matrix. As someone who has never been fortunate to see those films, it just looked to me like an extreme case of doing the limbo and kind of embarrassing to watch. But what was not embarrassing was when Nicole took Sam to her school in Boston and did a little singing for him in an operatic style. She was not bad at all. Once they retreated back to the mansion in Los Angeles, they learned that the viewers would be determining the winner. I hope Dave and Jasmine win. They really deserve it. ” –Rana

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