Best-Selling Author Amy Scott Rooker Reveals Struggles With Child Abuse and Grief in Powerful Memoir 'My Mother Is a Dragonfly'

Amy Scott Rooker candidly discusses her life in her debut memoir, My Mother Is a Dragonfly. The author reflects on how striving to be good led her to feel as if she was disappearing.

At the age of fourteen, Rooker faced abuse from a family member. When she confided in her mother, she found no meaningful support. This left her feeling isolated and alone with her trauma. Rooker adapted to her circumstances by creating a split identity. One version of herself carried the pain, while the other pursued success.

Ambition became Rooker's survival strategy. She earned a law degree from Vanderbilt University and an MBA from UCLA Anderson, achieving high-level positions in law and technology. “I built a life on top of the ache—degrees, job titles, gold stars,” Rooker states, highlighting the facade she constructed to mask her inner struggles.

While outwardly successful, Rooker's life was marked by perfectionism and constant pressure to perform. The shame she carried became a framework for her existence, making it difficult to recall a time before her trauma.

The turning point in Rooker's life occurred after her mother passed away. Their relationship had stabilized in adulthood, primarily by avoiding painful discussions.

With her mother gone, Rooker felt the loss of the chance for resolution. Grief forced her to confront a buried narrative she had long evaded.

In the months following her mother's death, Rooker began noticing dragonflies, which she initially dismissed. However, she soon realized these creatures carried a personal significance for her. "The dragonflies didn’t feel symbolic. They felt personal," she reveals, suggesting they were messages from her mother.

This new perspective prompted Rooker to explore alternative healing methods.

After discussing her feelings with her therapist, she sought experiences that would lead her beyond traditional talk therapy. Rooker traveled to Costa Rica for a guided healing experience, where she confronted her teenage trauma and finally heard the words she had long needed to hear: "This was not your fault."

Rooker describes this experience as revealing the architecture of her pain. “It didn’t fix anything for me or erase the past. But it began to loosen a shame that was never mine to carry,” she explains. The journey marked the beginning of a process of self-inquiry and healing.

Rooker emphasizes that real healing involves consistent effort and integration of pain and love. She acknowledges the slow, deliberate work required to confront one’s history and emotions.

For much of her life, Rooker felt she was fleeing from her pain, but she later recognized that the pain was not pursuing her. "The pain wasn’t chasing me," she states. "It was carrying something I had left behind." This realization became the cornerstone of her memoir.

Through her writing, Rooker aims to connect with readers who may feel their lives do not align with their true selves. Her message is one of hope: what seems like a breakdown may be a breakthrough.

Rooker's memoir encourages individuals to embrace their pain and ultimately find their way back to themselves. Her journey serves as a reminder that healing can arise from facing one's darkest moments.