Jenelle Evans isn't keeping any more secrets! In her new tell-all book, Read Between The Lines: Diary of a Teenage Mom, the MTV reality star is revealing details about her troubled younger years involving explosive fights with her now estranged mother, Barbara, and suicidal thoughts, RadarOnline.com reports.
In a diary entry dated back to August 20, 2005, she wrote how she was grounded after she was caught hanging out with an 18-year-old when she was just 13 years old.
She penned, “Now my mom doesn’t love me any more, she wishes I drop dead. That hurts me so much and now I have no one to love me. I want to tell my mom that I’m sorry for being born because I know I was just another accident.”
The entry continued, “She’s also canceling modeling cuz she thinks I’m too ugly for it… she tells me I’m a lil whore. She treats me like I’m not alive. But then she won’t let me kill myself cuz she’ll go to jail or something.” After the entry, she explained how she blamed her mother for things she never said.
“I know it reads like a kid just regurgitating what she heard, but I know my mom didn’t say those things to me,” the MTV star wrote. “I must’ve been really upset, and made up a bunch of stuff to make myself feel better about being punished for something, at heart, I knew was my fault.”
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That wasn't the only time Jenelle mentioned suicide, as she wrote while dating a boy named William, “I cannot believe I was about 2 kill myself and film it.”
“Another cry for attention, I am certain of it,” she wrote of the diary entry dated April 29, 2006. “This time I got the attention I wanted when my friend told William about the plan. It upset him and he decided enough was enough. He was tired of investing time in a girl who thought trying to kill herself were just things to try out for the fun of it.”
The now mother-of-three explained that she never tried to commit suicide, however, she did confess that she cut herself. “I tried cutting myself for the first and last time,” she wrote. “It wasn’t anything serious, just a few scratches on one arm. I tried it out because I had heard other kids at school talk about how it relieved stress and helped them get over bad stuff that was happening around them.”
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