Anna Duggar has retracted from the spotlight after Josh Duggar admitted to cheating on her, but she will have her moment to respond on the family spin-off, Jill & Jessa: Counting On.

“It was definitely hard, and I think it is such a betrayal for a spouse to go through what we’re walking through,” the 28-year-old said, holding back tears. “It was hard to realize that it was such a public [ordeal].”

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“Here we were as a Christian couple, everyone was able to see us get married and vow before God to be loyal to each other, and that loyalty was broken,” she continued. “For my heart it was just like, ‘How could this happen in our marriage? Josh is my first love, my one and only.’”

While Anna has not revealed whether she will stay with her cheating husband, who is currently in rehab, or leave him with their four children, she said she did turn to her religion for comfort during the difficult time.

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“I knew that my only hope was to cling to my faith, because if I went off of what I was feeling, I would turn a mess into a disaster,” Anna said. “I didn’t know what to do.”

Watch the clip below to see Anna’s firsts it-down interview and tune into part two and three of Jill and Jessa: Counting On on Dec. 20 & 27 at 8/7c on TLC.

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