The Real Housewives of New Jersey are spending entirely too much time outside New Jersey for my liking this season. In this episode, the gals traveled to Arizona for a zen weekend for Melissa Gorga's birthday. Here's what we learned!
Teresa Giudice is a great cooking teacher.
She shocked me by being a soothing, fun, capable host while she cooked. Are you listening, Food Network? I wonder what her catchphrase would be?
But she's also kind of a liar.
The way she recounted the Milania hair launch debacle to Kathy Wakile was full of mistruths and exaggerations, like the idea that Melissa and Penny settled everything. It was not settled!
No one actually wants to go on this trip.
While all the ladies were packing, no one seemed especially excited to hang out in the desert and talk about their feelings, least of all the birthday girl, Melissa.
The Giudice girls have a great word for women's private parts.
And it is chuckalina. I don't hate it. I did hate Gia's reaction to her mother's super teensy bikini bottom, because it made me sad for her.
Richie Wakile doesn't shush.
He does, however, fart. The people of Arizona were not ready for the Real Housewives of New Jersey. "Arizona is zen and sh*t," said Joe Gorga.
If you try to read Joe Giudice's energy, your head will pop.
I don't know what that means, but it sounds dirty somehow. Everything the Joe Gs say is sexual, so I imagine it had to do with that realm.
Melissa looks like this when she's sick.
I give up.
Joe Giudice tricked the psychic.
And it was actually totally awesome. The medium said she was getting a message from someone named Maria, and Joe perked up: "That's my grandmother's name!" Pause. "She's still with us, though. Thank God." Ba dum ching!
Even dead people are sick of the Teresa-Melissa fight.
Their relatives returned from the dead just to tell them to get over it, already. Do you think that maybe the psychic has just watched RHONJ and knows the plotline?
There is one way to get a whiny Richie to soften up.
His deceased father spoke through the medium to tell him to try watching his wedding video again, so he could see footage of his dad. He admitted he's been afraid to watch it because it would hurt too much.
Kathy's father also had something to say.
Though he had a hard time walking at the end, he told his daughter he is now up there dancing. Kathy understandably had a tremendous reaction.
Joe is willing to have sex with his wife even when she is deathly ill.
Sexy wife, happy life. Or is it phlegm-y wife, happy life? I always forget.
Teresa and Jacqueline Laurita are well on their way to being friends again.
Oh, until Teresa implied that Jacqueline's bad behavior is the reason her son was born autistic. Due to karma and all that. I'm sorry, WHAT?!
What did you think of this week's episode? Were you shocked by that ending? Do you believe in psychics? Tell us in the comments below or tweet us @OKMagazine.