James Franco and Anne Hathaway are gearing up to host the Oscars on Sunday and controversial Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais is wishing them luck. He’s also offered them an opening script for the show!
“Good luck to James Franco and Anne Hathaway at The Oscars on Sunday,” Ricky wrote on his blog. “I know how nervous they must be right now….They will do an absolutely fantastic job and don’t need my help, but I’ve written a little opening in case they have a few minutes to fill.”
And Ricky really did write out a long script for James and Anne.
“You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was,” James says in the script. “Now that sounds “way out” but wait till half way through this f**king ceremony and you’ll start to identify with him.”
“And I’m the new Catwoman,” Anne adds. “The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.”
“Usually they hire comedians to host The Oscars, but tonight, instead, you get us!” James continues in Ricky’s proposed script.
“No comedians tonight,” Anne adds. “And do you know why? Because comics are ugly.”
“Especially that rude obnoxious one who played the Steve Carell part in the English remake of The Office,” James says.
“But you can all relax because Ricky Gervais is in London…” Anne says. “He’s doing some charity work. Yeah, he’s visiting orphans with cancer. He’s telling them what bald little losers they are….”
And Ricky has them talk even more about himself in the script.
“That ugly dude needs to get a Hollywood makeover, big time,” James says.
“Quite,” Anne says. “And even though most of the actresses here have eating disorders, that’s better than being fat right?”
“You bet it is, gorgeous,” James says back.