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OK!’s Joyce Eng and Rana Meyer break down Monday’s hottest shows.

Dancing with the Stars: “Is it too late to bring back Jennie
Garth
? And Sabrina Bryan? And Cameron Mathison? I could go on, but I won’t.
Performance finale night was underwhelming to say the least and the only good
part was that it was fueled with the harsh criticism it’s been missing the past
few weeks. I take this as an apology to Jennie. But it was the worst finale yet,
which is ironic considering how all season long the three amigos (the judges)
kept proclaiming it was the best season yet. I guess it did have the potential
to be a great one if people were on their A game and there were no creepy
living doll routines to scar everyone’s mind. You saw it and you feel the same
way. Marie Osmond and Jonathan Roberts definitely take home the prize for
Performance of the Night, and that’s not necessarily a good thing. As a tribute
to her highly sought collectible dolls, M&J limped out with a living doll
routine as their freestyle to the Rolling Stones’ “Start Me Up”…only they never
got started. Isn’t the point of a living doll supposed to, oh, come to life? Marie
spent the whole two minutes jerking around and being carried and tossed by
Jonathan, never seeming to pull off one dance step. What a gimmick to mask her
shortcomings! But they were finally called out in it, and their criticism
included the line of the night from Bruno Tonioli, calling the acid trip of a
number “Baby Jane meets Bride of Chucky.” The two earned a 22
and with a 24 for their samba, they have a 46 for the night. Mel B and Maksim
Chmerkovskiy
edged Helio Castroneves and Julianne Hough by a point, 55 to 54,
to take first place. M&M lacked their normal spark and their hip-hip freestyle
to “The Way I Are” should’ve been faster. H&J brought the light, frothy and
fun in their freestyle that was an ode to racecar driving and found Helio
dressed as a “Brazilian Power Ranger,” as Tom Bergeron called it. Tom, marry
me! So who will win? Did the Spice Girls bring Mel good luck? Did Helio save
that gold lamé

costume? And will children have doll nightmares for years to
come?” – Joyce

Heroes: “As next week’s finale approaches, things are
really coming to a head. Maya, Alejandro and Sylar continue to make their way
to New York City to find Suresh and
a cure for Maya, and Sylar moves forward in his evil plan to get Maya away from
her brother to have control over her powers. After showing Maya that she can
control her powers without her brother around, Sylar convinces Maya to leave
her brother behind and let him move on with his life. But when Alejandro
doesn’t take that news lying down, Sylar stabs him to death. That Maya is so
gullible; she is falling for poor Sylar not knowing that he has murdered her
dear brother. Back in California,
Claire is mourning the death of her father not knowing that he is actually
alive back at the Company’s headquarters in Texas,
thanks to her life-saving blood. But Claire just can’t take the pain anymore.
It’s very interesting that Claire can be stabbed, shot or pushed off a roof and
not feel any pain, but this pain of losing her father is just killing her. That
must be the hardest thing of all, being immune to all physical pain, but it’s
the emotional pain that is just unbearable to take. Meanwhile, Peter and Adam
are still on the hunt for the deadly strain of the Shanti virus that is
destined to kill the world. After finding the mystery woman in the Company
photo who knows its whereabouts, hiding out in Maine, they get the info out of
her, but before they can let her go safely, Adam kills her. Of course, he plays
it off like he was protecting Peter. But that Adam is no good. Peter had better
learn that, before it is too late.” – Rana

How I Met Your Mother: “Have you seen Barney’s mojo? After
nine years, the Barnacle temporarily lost it following one fateful encounter at
the gym. Preferring to work off their beer weight instead of stop drinking
beer, the group signs up at Total Rip Fitness, where Barney is already a member
“investing” in fat chicks. He bumps into Rhonda “Man Maker”
French (Stephanie Faracy), the elder gal who deflowered an innocent, heartbroken
and blubbering 1998 hippie Barney and called him the best she’s ever had, which
in turn gave Barney the confidence to become the suit-wearing sexaholic he is
today. But it turns out she was lying and has completely forgotten about him,
leaving Barney stunned and hurt, which is ironic since he became the male
version of her. Rhonda was bribed into praising Barney to the high heavens by his
brother James (Wayne Brady), who was still straight back in ’98 – although he
was developing a fondness for figure skating. Well who wouldn’t?! He best be a
Michelle Kwan fan! Once Barney was made aware, he seeks solace in Heidi Klum
and Co. backstage at the Victoria’s
Secret fashion show only to discover he has the yips, which severely cripple
his womanizing self. Heidi advises he goes back to the woman who made him this
way, but the Man Maker informs “Barry” she has a new obsession –
Indian casinos – reducing Barney to wearing sweats! Blasphemy! Rhonda tries to
teach him the invaluable significance of deep conversation over Go Fish, but
before you know it, he’s all up in her mentholated chest again and
“daddy’s back!” Meanwhile, Trish (Meredith Roberts), a tiny shrew of
a trainer, scares and torments Marshall
into exercise submission, much to his muscles’ chagrin. Her Nazi-esque ways
were sought after for Ted when Marshall, Lily and Robin learn he’s been
slacking off at the gym. He did get one thing done though – losing the sexual
tension between him and Robin after witnessing her butch, beastly grunts and
less-than-feminine workout attire (or as Lily puts it: “I’m sorry, lesbian
prison guard, do we know each other?”). Say what you will about her
unladylike qualities, Robin still looked beautiful au natural! I sure don’t
look like that when I work out. I should add that I hardly ever do, just like the
gang – they never went back! Lazy people unite!” – Joyce

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