The American Idol judge got real about her depression and the struggles she had to overcome in order to create the identity she has now- one that she is proud of - during an interview with The Guardian.
The 35-year-old dives deep explaining the pain she felt from her lowest charted singles from her album ‘Witness,’ which was released in 2017. Perry explained that during some of her lowest points, she had felt suicidal due to her burning need for external validation.
The ‘I Kissed A Girl’ singer said “No one can make you feel or believe something about yourself that you don’t already.”
“If you feel that way and they add a little sauce, it’s gonna go up in flames.”
After Perry attempted to compartmentalize her work from her personal life and grow from the negative feedback, the soon-to-be mother flatlined as her depression began taking a toll.
She said, “Nothing, no opportunity, no person could inspire me to get out of bed.”
The ‘Roar’ singer opened about her struggles in her twenties and her anxieties about never fitting in nor “being invited or cool or accepted.”
The songwriter’s inability to feel accepted is what fueled her ambition to continue growing as a pop star and icon. Perry’s goofy and quirky personality as well as her performance at the Super Bowl being the most-watched ever is proof enough that she has reached success.
“Like, what else do you have to prove after the Super Bowl?” she dramatically and comically bursts, “You did it! YOU DID IT, HELLO? Pivot! Why do you have to keep climbing Everest! What are you proving? Are you just climbing Everest until you die? Until there was that one chance where you’re like, I’m not gonna make it?”
She said she often jokes about how she hasn’t had a breakdown that has led her to shaving off her hair… yet. Her deep-set fear of messing up and being publicly judged is something she has acknowledged.
“Anyone in this intense a spotlight, they understand that the tightrope just gets tighter and smaller, and that with one word, one costume malfunction, it can all blow up.”
“I have used that as a mechanism for coping and for my own fear, and have said things that have been sloppy or insensitive.”
While the star has often been scrutinized in the past for her controversial songs like ‘I Kissed a Girl’ and her cultural appropriation throughout a few of her albums, the ‘Firework’ singer owned up to her mistakes and said she understands that being under the public eye 24/7 for over 12 years was going to come with a price.
“If you’re gonna get into this business and if you’re gonna have anything to say, not everyone is gonna agree,” she said highlighting the equal importance of forgiveness.
“It’s OK to say you weren’t as evolved as a human five years ago than you are now.”
However, through the pain and backlash, Perry was able to find the joy and irony of it all. When talking about her new record, she referenced the ironic sad clown.
“It’s not like, ‘Be f**king happy! Let’s see your smile!’ I’m not stupid enough to think I won’t ever have challenges again. Now I’m grateful that I have some tools to navigate through it.”
Now with her years of experience learning to work on herself and constantly growing and evolving as a person, Perry is looking forward to bringing her first child into the world and beginning the next chapter of her life.
The California-born pop star and 43-year-old English actor were engaged in February 2019 and revealed they are expecting their first child together in March.