10 of the Biggest Bombshells From Gerry Turner's Memoir 'Golden Years': Suicidal Thoughts, Divorce From Theresa Nist and More

Gerry Turner has a lot to say about his past loves, especially Theresa Nist, in his new memoir.

In Golden Years: What I've Learned From Love, Loss and Reality TV, which hit bookshelves on November 4, the first lead of The Golden Bachelor wrote about his late wife, Toni Turner, who died of a bacterial infection in 2017 at the age of 64.

"Suddenly, shockingly, out of nowhere, the love of my life, my partner in all things for the last forty three years, was gone," he wrote.

After Toni's death, Gerry found out she had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, leaving him "traumatized" since she "had not only hidden but apparently completely ignored."

"She'd never mentioned this big diagnosis to me … and, as far as I could tell, she'd never followed through with treatment," he added.

While on the show, Gerry said he had not had a serious relationship since Toni's death. However, a woman named Carolyn claimed he and the reality TV star dated for 10 months and even lived together in his home on Big Long Lake in Hudson, Ind. The ex alleged he left her after she gained weight.

Reacting to the woman's claims in The Hollywood Reporter story, he wrote in his memoir, "There were many untruths that I won't take the time or energy to refute."

Gerry added, "We had a connection, but I pursued the relationship far too quickly."

After he asked the woman to move in with him "before [they] really had a chance to get to know one another," he reportedly realized they were not compatible on "several levels." Thus, it led to their "emotional breakup."

In his memoir, Gerry quipped he was "the easiest to manipulate" during his time on The Golden Bachelor, recalling the time Theresa feuded with some of the contestants.

"At the time, I thought of her as innocently trying to be a good companion, manipulated by the others to overshare. Naturally talkative, she can really put words together!" he said of his ex-wife.

Instead of Theresa, Gerry could have ended up with Joan Vassos if only she had not left the show.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't crushed," he said of Joan's exit. "Here was a woman I really thought could be the One. It was very, very deflating."

According to Gerry, Theresa was his top choice "when [his] logical side took over."

"But when my heart clamored for a voice, Leslie [Fima] became a true contender. Leslie or Theresa. Theresa or Leslie," he recalled. "I was pulled in two very different directions. My struggle was with safe and familiar versus exciting but risky."

Although Gerry gave the final rose to Theresa, he eventually found communicating with her difficult.

"Her tone and delivery were the same whether she was talking about a problem at work or about picking up her morning smoothie," he wrote in Golden Years: What I've Learned From Love, Loss and Reality TV.

He had similar experiences during Theresa's hometown dates episode, prompting Garry to think her answers "felt rehearsed."

"Her delivery was slow and deliberate. There's nothing wrong with thinking before you speak, but with Theresa it was as if she were running through a list of words until she hit on the one who thought would appeal to me," he continued.

On January 4, 2024, Gerry and Theresa exchanged vows in a televised ceremony. While the event seemed perfect, he admitted he felt his then-wife had shut him out of his own wedding.

"I was getting worried that Theresa was more interested in the trappings of getting married than in whom she was marrying or what her married life was going to be like!" he shared. "Over the course of the wedding planning, it became painfully apparent how different our priorities were. All I wanted to do was be with her, she was so engrossed in planning her dream wedding, however, that I all but disappeared."

For Gerry, the setup gave him the sense that he was "going to be a guest" at his big day.

A week after his January wedding to Theresa, Gerry visited his then-wife at her home in New Jersey. But instead of feeling welcome, he admittedly "felt like a trespasser in her home, like [he] didn't belong."

She reportedly asked him to sleep on the sofa since she needed a good night's sleep for work the following day.

"'Yeah, no problem' were the words that came out of my mouth, but I remember thinking, 'Why? We're married!'" Gerry shared.

He continued, "I did not want to make waves, especially on my first night in her home. The nonconfrontational route turned out to be a mistake, because one night on her couch turned into two and then three."

Gerry said Theresa's behavior on the show was different from what he saw off-camera, as she "ignored opportunities for intimacy."

"I had a really hard time making sense of it … the rejection I got from Theresa rattled me deeply – and stayed with me for a long time," he wrote.

They divorced three months after the wedding and reached a marital settlement agreement in June 2024.

In Golden Years: What I've Learned From Love, Loss and Reality TV, Gerry opened up about his mental health struggles after his divorce from Theresa.

"One night, while I was lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, it all became too much, and for the briefest moment, I thought about putting a gun to my head," he wrote in part.

"Just as quickly, though, I thought of Jenny and Angie. I could never do that to my daughters, but I don't believe I truly wanted to kill myself," he continued. "My suicidal thoughts were more an expression of my desire to disappear … [this] pain … seemed like it was never going away."

Gerry also wrote about where he and Theresa stand now after their divorce.

"We no longer talk. We have no reason to," he revealed.