Hayden Panettiere's Book 'This Is Me: A Reckoning': Biggest Bombshells

Hayden Panettiere is holding nothing back in her new memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning.

The new book, which hits bookshelves on May 19, offers a raw look at the highs and lows of her life and career, including her daughter's traumatic birth.

The Scream actress welcomed her child, Kaya Evdokia Klitschko, with ex-fiancé, boxer Wladimir Klitschko, on December 9, 2014. In the memoir, she writes about the traumatic childbirth experience that later spiraled into alcoholism.

"I labored with Kaya for 14 hours and was in surgery for three hours after she was born," she pens, per an excerpt shared by The Cut. "My blood wouldn't clot during my C-section, so doctors had to close the blood vessels in my uterus to prevent me from bleeding out. I had seven transfusions and ran a fever the entire time. My uterus had become infected, and the antibiotics I'd been given during labor hadn't been strong enough to lower my temperature."

Hayden remembers waking up in the recovery room feeling "exhausted, disoriented and racked with pain."

After giving birth to Kaya, she says she struggled to feel an immediate connection with her daughter, who reportedly "seemed like someone else's baby."

"I had always heard that mothers feel an instant rush of love the moment they lay their eyes on their baby, but I felt nothing," she adds. "Kaya was just there, and now I had to figure out how to bond with her. It felt like an insurmountable task, and I was only on the first day."

In This Is Me: A Reckoning, Hayden notes she had "the tolerance level of an elephant," so hard partying "did not hurt" her. However, her relationship with alcohol dramatically changed after Kaya was born, according to an excerpt published by Rolling Stone.

"I rolled over and wiped my eyes, and a dull pain seized my head. My stomach turned over, and I sat up, feeling the room start to spin. Oh my God, I need a drink, I thought. If I get a drink now, I can get out of bed and make it to work. It's 6 a.m., I thought, and I'm trying to get buzzed," she reveals. "The first thing I'd thought of when I woke up was alcohol. I needed a drink to function — at 6 a.m. If I didn't get some help as soon as possible, I was screwed."

Hayden reveals she sought treatment for the first time when Kaya was just 4 months old, leaving her with Wladimir.

"It was a hugely expensive facility devoted to one-on-one care, and I had a doctor and an army of experts ready, willing, and able to cater to my every need," she candidly recounts. "Trust me, it's easier to detox and recover when you're being treated like a queen, but it was too far from the real world to give me perspective. I didn't have companions to share stories with or people who understood what I was going through. I didn't have group therapy or 12 steps."

While she left "clean and sober," Hayden reportedly returned home still struggling and believing alcohol could not truly take over her life.

Elsewhere in the book, she confirms she had been to treatment twice, and she was still not herself. She had her second stint in a "much more standard facility" during Nashville Season 4.

According to Hayden, her struggles with addiction not only forced Nashville producers to temporarily write her character out of the show but also cost her another job.

"My fans and the press were hugely sympathetic — and I'll always be grateful for that — but a part of my career I'd come to depend on suffered," she writes, adding, "Neutrogena canceled my long-standing contract, and it was yet another blow in a year that had given almost nothing else."

Elsewhere in This Is Me: A Reckoning, Hayden also reflects on her experiences on the set of Nashville, confessing the environment was "far" from what she expected.

"'I guess I thought we'd all be friends,' I said to [my assistant] Allie one day when we were sitting by the pool at the house I was renting. 'You know, cast, crew, directors, all one big happy family. But it's not like that at all.' 'Well, that's why you have me,' Allie answered," she shares.

She compares the set dynamic to the bond she had with her former Heroes costars, saying she assumed they would "all decompress over drinks or dinner" after filming at the end of the week.

"But other than Jonathan [Jackson], I wasn't as close to my costars as I would have liked to have been. I couldn't figure it out. We were all new faces in a strange town, yet we weren't growing into friends," she shares.

Around Nashville Season 4, Hayden reportedly noticed her personal problems "seemed to be mirroring the script."

"Juliette Barnes [Hayden's character] had postpartum depression, an alcohol and pill problem, and a divorce on the horizon. She was erratic, an absentee mother, and fought with everyone — including her fans," she shares. "Every time I read the day's script, it was like I was looking in a fun-house mirror, seeing a distorted reflection of myself. I can't tell you how lost this made me feel. On every show, commercial, and movie I'd done, I could draw a line between my character and myself. Now, at work, I didn't fall into another world that was distinct from my own. I dove headfirst into my own h---."

She adds, "I was suffering from debilitating anxiety and an addiction I couldn't shake, and I had to live through it twice. First at home, as Hayden, and then in front of millions, as Juliette. Something had to give, and I was afraid it was going to be me."