Madonna Admits She Used to 'Reject the Idea of Being a Mother' After Losing Mom at Age 5: 'I Associated It With Suffering'

Mother's Day has always been bittersweet for Madonna, as she lost her mom — also named Madonna — when she was only 5 years old.

"I miss my mother every day and have fantasized for decades of what it must be like to have a mother to: Call on for help, guidance, care and wisdom," the Queen of Pop wrote in an emotional Instagram tribute on Sunday, May 14.

"I rejected the idea of being a mother well into my 30s because I associated motherhood with sacrifice suffering and ultimately death and I wanted none of that," continued Madonna — who is the mother of Lourdes Leon, 26, Rocco Ritchie, 22, David Banda, 17, Mercy James, 17, as well as twins Estere and Stelle Ciccone, 10.

"I decided to rip the a****** out of life and take the road less traveled by with no preconceived notion of what was expected of me as a woman, the 64-year-old explained. "All of my role models were radical women like Frida Kahlo, Martha Graham and Georgia O’Keeffe. Great Artists with no Children!!"

Madonna admitted: "When I finally did become a mother I was astonished at how grounded I felt but also dazed and confused as to how I would figure out the balancing act between being a good mother and an uncompromising artist."

"I walked through many years half blind and made many mistakes along the way. Because every mother knows there are no manuals or rule books to follow. You just have to dive in and figure it out. I have experienced my highest highs and my lowest lows as a Mother. No one could have prepared me," she confessed.

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"My friend once said to me that your children are like pieces of your heart walking around outside of you. One minute your heart is bursting with joy the next minute it’s breaking! But how can I explain how i feel………" the message added.

"To say that I am Proud of of my children sounds arrogant or implies ownership. Better to say that they are all shining stars and I’m happy that their souls chose me to be their mother," the pop star sweetly stated.

"And dear Mother…wherever you are. I hope you are happy with your grandchildren!! I often imagine you singing and dancing with us in the kitchen! ♥️," Madonna heartwarmingly concluded.