Though James Van Der Beek and his wife, Kimberly, have five children together, the actor revealed that between happy pregnancies and healthy childbirths was a lot of heartbreak. In a moving Instagram post, he got candid about the couple’s experiences with several miscarriages.
Under a picture of him and Kimberley embracing their baby girl Gwendolyn, he wrote. “Wanted to say a thing or two about miscarriages... of which we’ve had three over the years (including right before this little beauty). First off - we need a new word for it. “Mis-carriage”, in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother - as if she dropped something, or failed to “carry.”
He expressed his distaste for the “insidious” terminology, that he believes suggests “fault for the mother.” He wrote, “As if she dropped something, or failed to “carry.” From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn’t do. So let’s wipe all blame off the table before we even start.”
The Dawson’s Creek actor didn’t shy away from the very real and dark emotions that come with a lost pregnancy. “It will tear you open like nothing else. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it’s rightful space,” he explained.
He also did his best to provide grieving moms and couples with a bit of hope. He continued, “Try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before. Some changes we make proactively, some we make because the universe has smashed us, but either way, those changes can be gifts. Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to have happy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards.”
He finished the heartfelt post by encouraging his followers to join the conversation. “I’ve heard some amazing metaphysical explanations for them, mostly centering around the idea that these little souls volunteer for this short journey for the benefit of the parents... but please share whatever may have given you peace or hope along the way,” he urged.
What do you think about James’ desire to find a new word for “miscarriage”? Let us know in the comments.