NEWSAsk Drita D'Avanzo: How to Deal with a Deadbeat Brother-in-Law and a Rude Sister
Mob Wives star Drita D’Avanzo is back to help with your problems! Check back every week for Drita’s distinct brand of tough-love advice, and you can even send in questions of your own! Just email askdrita@okmagazine.com, or tweet @OKMagazine with the hashtag #OKAskDrita.
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Hey Drita,
I was wondering how to nicely tell my freeloader brother-in-law he needs to leave my house. He was supposed to be saving money, but all he does is play the lottery and buy cigarettes. He has totally ruined my marriage with his brother. He is a slob and I'm a neat freak. He leaves piss bottles laying around and has a bathroom 10 feet away from him. I have told him not to do that, but he obviously doesn't listen. I'm sick of cleaning up after him. Everything he touches, he breaks: my garage door, my fence in the backyard, my grandmother's gravy boat. I could go on. He left the sink running downstairs,with a cloth in the drain, and flooded My basement. I had to get a new rug because my basement is finished. I have a very bad Italian temper, being from Boston. But I'm trying to be nice and get him out the easy way. But it's not working! So my question to you is, how the hell do I get him out without being mean? I know that's a hard question, but per my mother I need to be nice. Any suggestions?
Thank you, Drita! Sincerely, one pissed off Italian woman from Boston,
Johnna C
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Johnna,
I have to say that I feel really bad that you have to go through this!! I don't blame you for getting pissed off, and I also understand your mother telling you that you need to be nice. BUT I feel that someone should be telling him the same! He obviously has no respect for you or your home and it can't be easy being nice. I think you have already done enough by allowing him to live with you so he can try and get ahead. The problem is that it doesn't seem like he's trying to get ahead and find a place, so it's your job to remind him why he is there in the first place.
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I'm not sure why your husband is okay with all this, and isn't putting him in his place, but since he's not, you will have to do it yourself. My advice is to tell him that you will start helping him find a place to rent and tell him that you will take him to go look at it. Just constantly focus on finding a rental. He will know exactly what you're doing and may not like it but he needs a reality check! Every day talk about rentals that you found. If he tells you that he can't afford it yet, then tell him that you will help him save money. You should also sit and have a one-on-one with your husband. Tell your husband that he should step in and start helping his brother. Because what both of you are doing is NOT HELPING HIM AT ALL! If anything, it's hurting him. He has no drive, he's being spoiled, fed, and taken care of! Tough Love always works. Tell your husband to start taking his paycheck to help him save money.
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I hate to say this but you being so nice is the problem. He feels way too comfortable and doesn't feel that it bothers you. If he starts to feel uncomfortable, he won't want to live there. When we were younger we all hit a certain age where we wanted to move out of our house. Why? Because our parents drove us nuts! With all the questions! Not allowing us to do whatever we wanted! They were nosy and on top of everything we did! Use this strategy to get him out. If he likes to sleep late, make sure he doesn't. Your best bet is to be ANNOYING!! You don't have to be mean, but being annoying will make him rearrange his thoughts! And the next time there is a bottle of urine anywhere, give it to your husband and say, "You may be okay living like this but I am not!" Girl, nobody would be. Be annoying! Send him to start running errands for you, ask him for things to do around the house, talk about rentals EVERY DAY!!! Anything that he damages, MAKE HIM PAY FOR IT TO BE FIXED!! Basically google the word annoying and follow the instructions, and you are sure to drive him out. Good luck!
xoxo Drita
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What advice would you give someone on how to deal with boyfriend's rude sister? I need some insight or a different perspective.
Thanks in advance,
Candace
Hey Candace,
IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE. That is shocking coming from someone like me that doesn’t deal well with rude people! The reason why I’m telling you to ignore her is because at the end of the day, it’s HIS SISTER. His family! Obviously don't deal with any insane abuse, but think about it for a second. Do you have any siblings? We all know exactly what our family is like. We know if they are funny, rude, obnoxious, nice. We are fully aware of their qualities. So don't think that your boyfriend doesn't know what his sister's personality is like. Maybe she is going through a hard time right now, or maybe she was just born a b*tch. Who knows?? Is your boyfriend good to you? Does he love you and treat you right? At the end of the day, that's all that matters. You are not going to marry his sister or live with her. Just feel bad for her future husband lol.
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If you say something to your boyfriend, it may only cause more friction and end up causing problems for you in your relationship. Did you ever hear "Kill them with kindness?" You not giving her any reaction she is expecting can actually make her crazier, OR make her one day apologize and say sorry. Some people carry their problems around with them and take them out on other people. Give her the benefit of the doubt. You never know what she's going through, and it doesn't give her the right to be nasty. But if you are happy in your relationship, then don't let anyone ever come in between that!
xoxo Drita
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What do you think of Drita’s advice this week? Do you agree with what she had to say? Would you handle these situations differently? Tell us in the comments below or tweet us @OKMagazine.
