When it comes to holy matrimony, esteemed wedding planner Sandy Malone has pretty much seen it all.
The star of TLC‘s new show Wedding Island—which documents Sandy’s life working as a wedding planer on the tiny Puerto Rican offshoot of Vieques Island—spills on the craziest of the crazy weddings she has been involved with in an exclusive interview with OKMagazine.com—and we are talking cray cray to the max!
“We never know what’s in store when we start planing a wedding, we never know what’s coming—because how can you know what’s coming?” Sandy says. “How can you know what’s going to happen?
“Crazy mom drama, sisters fighting, drunk guests, dads getting naked—believe me, that’s not uncommon! You get some crazy crazy stuff that goes down!
“I’ve almost gotten my ass kicked before, I’ve had guests taking off their shoes and their earrings and get ready to beat my ass—I’m like, are you kidding me? I’m from Potomac, Maryland, I don’t know how to fight!”
So, what’s the craziest wedding Sandy’s ever had to plan?
“Oh, the craziest was probably a Wiccan wedding—but they didn’t tell me it was a Wiccan wedding until a week before the ceremony! I had asked them for the ceremony plan, and it arrives and it’s got all this bizarre stuff in it—they want me to ‘cast a circle and call the elements’ —and I’m looking at this and I’m like holy guacamole!
“I had assumed they were bringing their own minister to officiate the wedding, but, no they’re not—they’re bring a Wiccan priest! The bride is from New Jersey.. very Jewish…the groom is Puerto Rican…. really nice people, I’d met them previously because they came out to visit, but I had no idea they were Wiccan!
“I mean, in retrospect, the guy did have his entire head shaved, with just one curl hanging down over his forehead, but, your choices are yours, and people have different styles—but anyway, I had no clue! So, I find out a week ahead of time and the whole office is trying to keep a straight face over this one.. and we have no idea what’s going to happen! So, they’re mailing us bunches of sage to be burned and all kinds of strange sh*t! The wedding comes around and everyone’s dressed fairly normally at the welcome party, nothing’s weird—then at the wedding rehearsal, the groom gets all upset because he suddenly decides he wants to get married at the other end of the beach…as he feels like the energy is better there.
“But, the problem is they’re having this Wiccan ceremony on a Saturday that happens to be a Puerto Rican Catholic holiday—and that end of the beach is where people get together to party, its a real crazy party scene, and it would be a very bad idea to hold a Wiccan wedding in the middle of it!
“I tell the groom, no can do, the wedding permit is for right here, on this beach, this is the spot you chose, this is where we’re going to do it. So, he throws a massive temper tantrum and storms off to ‘change his energy.’
“Then, the mother of the bride comes up to me and she says ‘I sign your checks you know, I pay you… you need to make my future son-in-law happy and do whatever he wants.’ And, I’m like, ma’am, your daughter’s a witch, she’s marrying a warlock—I don’t even know what he should be called!!—and they want to get married in a circle while they ‘call the elements,’ in the middle of a bunch of Catholic people during a Catholic holiday … I advise against this. And she looks at me and she goes, ‘But where’s the Rabbi?’ Wheres the Chuppah?’ She had no idea—and God bless her that she didn’t just keel over and die, right there and then!
“On the wedding day they made everyone wash their feet in the ocean before they were allowed to sit down—so, you had all these old, 70 plus women, elderly, neatly dressed, conservative Jewish ladies from New Jersey, who had flown all this way to see their friend’s daughter’s wedding..and they’re in pantyhose, and they’re being told to wash their feet.. and everyone has to hold a rock throughout the entire ceremony—for energy purposes, then everyone has to form a circle and hold hands and chant so we can call the elements and then they lit a huge torch!
“And I swear to God there are ten more stories about that wedding—but, with that said, yeah, there’s a little bit of crazy in all weddings, all the time!
“The wedding actually turned out to be really beautiful, if you’re a Wiccan—but it was more than a little crazy!”
So, what about the notorious Bridezilla effect? Has Sandy had to battle more than her fair share of matrimonial monsters?
“There definitely are Bridezillas, but they tend to be people that are crazy and controlling in their everyday lives anyway,” she explains. “People who are generally nice in their everyday lives, tend to be nice brides…and people who are generally not nice in their everyday lives are generally not nice brides.
“That’s kind of what defines a Bridezilla—I mean, I’ve not had a lot of truly terrible Bridezillas—I’ve had a lot of girls that can give me a headache and indigestion over the telephone during the planning, but when they come to the island and they meet me, and they see their welcome bags waiting, and they see all the things I’ve promised are there, its like everything’s gone, all the tension evaporates! Nine months plus of torturing me is over, they are sweet as pie from then on…. they write me beautiful testimonials and they put me on their push list when they have babies!
“I’ve had a couple of brides who have just been over-the-top hideous people, but then, I’ve had worse Groomzillas than Bridezillas!”
But, those tales are for another day!
You can catch Sandy in action during a VERY drama fueled wedding in the premiere episode of Wedding Island—tonight on TLC at 10 pm E/PT—and you can watch an exclusive sneak peek right here on OKMagazine.com .
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