James Van Der Beek Reflects on Coming 'Nose to Nose With Death' During the 'Hardest Year' of His Life Amid Stage 3 Cancer Battle: Watch

James Van Der Beek is reflecting on his difficult last year after being diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer in 2024.

In a new social media video, the Dawson’s Creek actor, 48, discussed how his health struggles caused him to question his self-worth and how his health affected his wife, Kimberly Van Der Beek, and their kids, Olivia, 14, Annabel, 11, Emilia, 8, Gwendolyn, 6, Joshua, 13, and Jeremiah, 2.

“It has been the hardest year of my life and I wanted to share something that I learned with y’all,” he admitted in a clip posted for his 48th birthday.

“When I was younger I used to define myself as an actor, which was never really all that fulfilling. And then I became a husband and that was much better. And then I became a father and that was the ultimate,” the Labor Day alum added.

James explained that he has defined himself as a “loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land,” but cancer almost took that from him.

“And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye. I came nose to nose with death,” he explained. “All of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me. I was away for treatment so I could no longer be a husband who was helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them."

“I could not be a provider because I wasn’t working. I couldn’t even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you’re supposed to prune them,” the star — who revealed his cancer diagnosis in November 2024 — continued.

James noted that his health woes caused him to ask himself, “Who am I?”

“So I was faced with the question that if I was just here to be a too-skinny, weak guy, alone, in an apartment with cancer, what am I?” the father-of-six shared.

After the tough last few months, the celeb accepted that he is still worthy of self-love despite not being able to be the best father and husband due to his illness.