Ant Anstead Reveals Divorce From Christina Anstead Was 'Not His Decision'

TV personality Ant Anstead opened up about his split from Christina Anstead and reiterated that the breakup was "not my decision."

"It really hit me hard," he told PEOPLE. "If you ask anybody that knows me properly, they know that I give myself fully. I had so much love for her."

Ant hinted that his ex was the one who pulled the plug on their relationship after the news broke. "Anyone who really knows me knows that I don't like to share private matters publicly. I have remained silent while holding on to hope," he wrote in September when they announced the split. "I never gave up on us. I pray Christina's decision brings her happiness."

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“Ant and I have made the difficult decision to separate,” Christina wrote. “We are grateful for each other and as always, our children will remain our priority. We appreciate your support and ask for privacy for us and our family as we navigate the future."

Ant was in a "very dark place" after the split, and fans were concerned when he looked visibly thinner in October, but he promised he would put the weight back on. “I reached this turning point ... I had the choice to dwell on it, or move on and work on myself," he said. 

Ant then signed up for a 35-day online "breakup recovery" course in addition to a three-day faith-based retreat to focus on his mental and physical health. Both of the courses helped him to understand that "nobody controls me but me. It’s up to me to empower myself and realize how incredibly worthy I am of healing."

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His daily routine now involves calling his children Amelie and Archie — whom he shares with his ex-wife Louise Anstead — exercising, eating, praying and practicing gratitude. Ant also still sees his son Hudson, whom he shares with Christina. 

"Not only have I improved my mental health, I've actually made a real conscious decision to go and improve my physical health, as well. I mean, for the first time in my life, I'm actually now taking vitamins!” he gushed. 

However, coming to terms with everything "really is a process."

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"And the thing about healing is sometimes you feel like you’re making daily progress, and then, from nowhere, your legs get taken out, and you feel like you start again. But I'm certainly making steps towards healing, even if it's really slow," he revealed. 

The former couple met in 2017 and wed in December 2018. Less than two months after they announced the split, Christina officially filed for divorce and joint physical and legal custody of Hudson. 

While Ant wanted to stay together, a source said the couple was fighting more after Hudson was born. “Christina found it difficult to balance everything,” the insider spilled, adding that "their marriage was struggling."