Octomom Lives With "Tremendous Guilt" For Having 14 Kids

Nadya Suleman says she's haunted by guilt for giving birth to octoplets — when she already had six children — and will live with that feeling "forever".

Octomom welcomed The Oprah Winfrey Show cameras into her home to watch her care for her 14 kids over a crazed 24 hour period, in an episode that aired yesterday.

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Nadya opened up about the difficulty of raising so many children, reports the LA Times, and admitted that she can't give any of the kids enough attention and support, although she said "no couple could" either.

"I live with a tremendous amount of guilt...and I'll live with this forever," said Nadya, although she said she has never considered giving any of them up to foster care.

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Meanwhile, Oprah asked Nadya why she posed in a bikini on the cover of a tabloid magazine. "Let me tell you why: 14 hungry mouths," said Nadya. "I must feed my children."

She said she spends $1,000 a month on groceries, buying 20 gallons of milk, 21 dozen eggs and 35 loaves of bread — all in one week. She also hires three nannies who share shifts throughout the day although Nadya  is alone with her children at night.

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The controversial mother described "octomom" as a fictional character, "the antithesis of who I am," and denied getting pregnant to seek fame, never imagining that the in-vitro fertilization would result in "a litter" of children.

"It was something based on a selfish, immature decision," she said.

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She explained she had been "caught-up in a childish desire to have more children" to compensate for being an only child. She was using the children to "fill a void."

The 34-year-old also claimed that she would never do porn or reveal the identity of the father of her fourteen kids. “I feel like they are trying to steal a piece of the situation, exploiting me, disrespecting me as a mother, my children," she said about the offer she received to join the adult entertainment industry.

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“They have offered this three times but it is disrespectful to me as a mother. I would never, never do something like that.”