During the intimate chat, the 29-year-old said he feels “proud” of his sexuality after a difficult journey coming to terms with it — even revealing he had “suicidal thoughts” due to the internal conflict he was going through.
The former Bachelor said that he was motivated to come out after getting “into a place with [his] personal life that was dark and bad.” He added: “I think overall the reason why now is because I got to a place where I didn’t think I was ever going to share this. I would have rather died than say, ‘I’m gay.'”
Underwood noted that his faith is what he struggled with when it came to his sexuality and that he “used to wake up in the morning and pray [to God] to take the gay away,” he admitted. “I used to pray for him to change me.”
The blonde beefcake was dubbed the so-called “virgin Bachelor” during his season, and his virginity became a hot topic on the show and in the press. “One thing about being labeled the virgin Bachelor is that I was a virgin and I could never give anyone a good answer as for why I was a virgin,” he told Roberts. “The truth is I was a virgin Bachelor because I was gay, and I didn’t know how to handle it.”
Underwood noted that he still hasn’t “had an emotional connection with a man” due to the fact that he’s “never allowed” himself to. As for what he’s seeking in a partner, he said, “I’m looking for someone who can push me and challenge me in all the right ways. I still have a long ways to go. I’m still learning.”
Underwood has a long history with Bachelor Nation. He came in fourth on Becca Kufrin's season of The Bachelorette in 2018 and then joined Bachelor in Paradise in 2019 before he got his own season of The Bachelor the same year.
The former NFL player famously jumped over a fence to pursue Cassie Randolph and cut the season short to date her after she voluntarily exited the show, but their romance was short-lived as they called it quits in May 2020. Things took a dark turn after their split, when Randolph was granted a restraining order against the former athlete in September of last year due to alleged harassment and stalking. She ultimately dropped the charges.
Scroll through to see pictures of Bachelor Nation’s Colton Underwood throughout the years.
Underwood played in the NFL for the San Diego Chargers during the 2014 season.
Olympian Aly Raisman and Underwood dated in 2016.
Underwood and Raisman called it quits a year later.
Underwood was snapped with fellow Bachelor Nation alums at an ABC party in 2018.
Colton's promo pic for his season of The Bachelor in 2019.
Underwood and Randolph were hot and heavy during his stint as the Bachelor. The two called it quits in May 2020.
The reality TV star was the face of MorningStar Farms campaign to encourage people to search out meat-free alternatives.
Underwood apologized to Randolph after coming out as gay, saying, "I would like to say sorry for how things ended. I messed up. I made a lot of bad choices."
Underwood came out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community on Wednesday, April 14, during an intimate chat with Robin Roberts.