Meghan Trainor Details Her Mental Health Struggles & What It Was Like Having Her First Panic Attack On Live TV: 'I Was In A Dark Place'
Meghan Trainor isn’t afraid to talk about mental health.
The Grammy-winning artist, 27, recently opened up about her experience struggling with a serious panic disorder at the same time she began making it big in the music industry.
Trainor revealed to PEOPLE that her first panic attack actually happened on live TV in 2016 while she was announcing the 2017 Grammy nominees with Gayle King on CBS This Morning.
“I was announcing the nominees, and I was vibrating. I felt like I was going to pass out on live television. I was like, What’s happening? I must be dying,” she said of the terrifying experience. “As soon as they said ‘Cut,’ I went offstage and was [gasping for air] in front of everyone."
“Gayle was my email buddy after that and always checking in on me,” she said. “I was so embarrassed and apologized but she made everything so much better for me. She’s an angel on this earth.”
Earlier that year, the “All About That Bass” singer had started dating Spy Kids alum Daryl Sabara, 29, who she would later marry in 2018.
Despite meeting her future-hubby during that time, Trainor recalled being in “a dark place,” due to vocal cord injuries.
“I had everything I wanted — I had the love of my life — but mentally and physically I felt ill,” she said.
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Eventually, Trainor was diagnosed with a type of anxiety disorder called panic disorder.
“Some nights I remember I ate a bunch of food, then I got scared and I was like, ‘I need to go to the emergency room because I’m allergic to what I just ate.’ The doctor came in, looked really sad, and was like ‘Have you ever heard of a panic attack?’ I was like, ‘No, no, no, I’m having an allergic reaction. If you just look in the back of my throat, it’s closing.’ That was my first lesson on what a panic attack can do to you,” she explained.
“With the panic [attacks], you literally feel like you're vibrating nonstop. But everything just got quiet, and I was back to my normal self," she says of her treatment.
The pop singer also revealed that she takes antidepressants to manage her disorder — something she claims “saved her life.”
“I’m not ashamed to say I’m on antidepressants,” she said. “That medication saved me, saved my life, saved my career. I’m back better than ever.”
She also told the outlet that she remained on medication throughout her pregnancy, which she believed was the reason she never suffered from postpartum depression after giving birth to her son Riley in February.
“And I don't know what people talk about out there, and I don’t know how they'll take this and maybe attack me or not, but I wouldn't change it, I wouldn’t go back and do it differently,” she said of her choice to take antidepressants while pregnant.
“A lot of doctors told me a happy mom is a happy baby, and we were great,” she said.
