"I always try to live my life after I wake up in the morning from a place of gratitude," she explained. "I think life is the gift that we get to experience. But through this last year, I would truly say I have experienced way more grief and trauma than I ever expected."
"I found myself in so many more lows than I ever expected and at times did not know the best way to get myself through," the So You Think You Can Dance star said of dealing with her husband's passing. "And so, I would just sometimes scream and cry hysterically like I was never going to be able to pull it together."
"It was scary for me because I don't let people see that side of me. I truly don't," she continued. "So through this last year, I had to be a little bit more vulnerable and paint more of a picture that things are hard sometimes and there are times when I'm low and there are times when I cry and the first people I showed that to was my kids. It was the first year they really saw me in times of being low."
Holker and Boss share children Maddox, 7, and Zaia, 3, while the Ellen DeGeneres Show star also helped raise the High School Musical alum's daughter Weslie, 14, from a previous relationship.
As OK! previously reported, following Boss' December 2022 death, Holker has done her best to keep his memory alive for her kids despite the shock of the horrific ordeal.
"It's really hard," she explained in a 2023 interview while getting emotional. "There's been some really hard conversations. To us, Daddy's in the stars. So, we can go outside and talk to him whenever we want. … They just ask, 'When is Daddy coming back?' and that's a really hard one."
Never miss a story — sign up for the OK! newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what OK! has to offer. It’s gossip too good to wait for!
"And then it’ll be a couple weeks later, 'But does he come back when he’s older? Like, when Daddy’s older he’ll come back?'" she explained. "But they are still children and still obviously want him here."
If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Entertainment Tonight conducted the interview with Holker.