After her heartbreaking miscarriage last year, Chrissy Teigen is still struggling with not being able to have another baby — but it doesn't mean she won't have another child in the future.
"Coming to terms with not being able to carry again is still really difficult for me because I feel so healthy. I'm like, why?" the 35-year-old recently said. "But then I think about it as my uterus is just not cooperating with me — and it's not a failure."
In December, Teigen revealed that the baby she and John Legend lost was the couple’s last embryo, which means she will "never" be pregnant again. The couple lost their son, who they named Jack, when the Cravings author was 20 weeks into the pregnancy but she can't imagine a "life without more" children.
Teigen and Legend welcomed their two children, Luna, 4, and Miles, 2 via IVF. "I'm so lucky for that," Teigen said. "I just think of it in terms of how blessed I am already, and also there are so many ways to have a child nowadays ... whether it's surrogacy or adoption."
"For me what's really important is being able to make sure that everybody has access to those ways and making sure that people are able to make their dreams come true. It would just be a beautiful thing," Teigen explained. "It's so incredibly expensive to freeze your eggs and to harvest them. IVF isn't an option for a lot of people and it needs to be. It shouldn't be such an expensive endeavor for a woman trying to conceive a child."
Since the loss, the family has found ways to mourn Jack, which included Teigen getting his name tattooed on her wrist and planting a tree outside their new home. "It's important for us in Thai tradition that we always embrace the ones we've lost, and they're never, ever gone. This tree being planted inside the home, the whole reason why I wanted it was so Jack's ashes could be in that soil and he could be with us all the time and grow through the beautiful leaves in this tree," Teigen explained.
"The way Miles and Luna talk about him is so beautiful and reminds me of when I was little talking to my grandpa who was just sitting bedside next to my mom in a little urn," she added. "It's all beautiful, and I love that tradition carries down."
Teigen spoke about her condition with PEOPLE for the magazine's recent Beautiful issue.