Teigen shared a heartfelt letter on Medium on Tuesday, October 27. She thanked everyone for their overwhelming support over the past month and opened up about her experience during this traumatic time. “For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, ‘you probably won’t read this, but …’ I can assure you, I did,” she began to explain.
The cookbook author recalled one of the “standout moments” of the day she and the “Conversations in the Dark” artist would never forget. “Here we were, just wheeled down to a new floor, me covered in a thin blanket to hide, knowing I was about to fully deliver what was supposed to be the 5th member of our beautiful family, a son, only to say goodbye moments later,” she said. “People cheered and laughed right outside our door, understandably for a new life born and celebrated. You kind of wonder how anyone is thinking about anyone but you.”
While on bed rest, Teigen explained she kept hoping all of the bad news would somehow turn around. However, she explained that her “bleeding was getting heavier and heavier.”
“The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly,” the model explained.
After a couple of nights at the hospital, the doctor finally told Teigen what she knew was coming. “It was time to say goodbye,” she wrote. “He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either.”
Teigen then shared why she decided to post the heartbreaking hospital picture via Instagram on the day they lost their child. John “hated it,” she wrote. “I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.”
She added: “I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”
After baby Jack was finally in the world, Teigen recalled kissing his little toes and hands for what could have been “10 minutes or an hour” while sobbing with Legend and her mother by her side. “I dunno how long he had been waiting to be delivered for. That will probably always haunt me,” she confessed. “All I know now is his ashes are in a small box, waiting to be put into the soil of a tree in our new home, the one we got with his room in mind.”
Teigen admitted she finds herself “randomly crying, thinking about how happy I am to have two insanely wonderful little toddlers who fill this house with love” but also “crying when I get mad at myself for being too happy.”
The mother of two ended her letter by thanking everyone who has reached out on social media and shared their own personal battles and stories. “People say an experience like this creates a hole in your heart. A hole was certainly made, but it was filled with the love of something I loved so much. It doesn’t feel empty, this space. It feels full,” she wrote.
“Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky,” she concluded. “With so, so, so much love, Chrissy.”
Teigen, 34, and the “All of Me” singer, 41 — who share 4-year-old daughter Luna and 2-year-old son Miles — announced they were expecting baby No. 3 during Legend’s “Wild” music video in August. One month prior to their tragic loss, Teigen was put on bed rest due to heavy bleeding and pregnancy complications. Right before her miscarriage, Teigen explained she had a really “scary morning” at the hospital after she had a huge blood clot.
We are thinking of Teigen and Legend during this tough time.
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