Months after losing her son Jack due to pregnancy complications, Chrissy Teigen is still learning how to navigate her grief.
"we’ve been going to @frankrestaurant for…man, maybe 13, 14 years now?? we used to live just a couple blocks away, right across from the hell’s angels in the east village," the model began in the caption. "john had a basement apartment with a roommate and I used to sneak cigarettes (ew) through the little half window that lined up with the sidewalk. basically a window where you could only see people’s shoes."
Teigen said that she used to bring her dog Puddy with her and eat outside the restaurant or sit at the bar alone. "And I would never ever miss a Thursday," she wrote. "Thursday was lasagna verde day — a bubbling, piping hot dish of cheesy lasagna with the toastiest edges you could ever wish for. I’d sit there with my multiple double vodka sodas and get day drunk by myself (this is not a brag lol I was basically a functioning alcoholic) then buy hats I didn’t like or need at urban outfitters."
"anyhowwwww just reminiscing about New York a lot lately, when things were simple, thinking about all the stuff I’ve done and been through not just this year but in my life," the cookbook author wrote.
"I’m slightly down lately," she admitted. "It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out 'my third baby is here!!', as in cookbook, then realized my third baby will never be here."
Teigen explained that she threw herself into writing the book so she would not have to think about losing her baby: "I don’t really feel like I fully processed jack and now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just…there, waiting to be acknowledged."
"I guess what I’m saying here is life is so f*****g complicated," she concluded. "and get the lasagna??? wow this was a rollercoaster !!!!!"
Fans and friends took to the comment section to offer their support.
"Know that your honesty in your raw, not yet processed emotions and vulnerability is admired and respected by many. Thank you for unapologetically sharing it," one fan wrote.
"They say time heals, hope it heals you ❤️," another commented.
"You’re being real and honest and that’s 🔥❤️," a third fan told the Lip Sync Battle commentator.
In October, Teigen revealed she had gone to the hospital in September due to excessive bleeding from her placenta. She had multiple blood transfusions, however, the couple's third child did not survive the pregnancy complications.
"We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we've never felt before," she shared at the time. "We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn't enough."
"We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you," she said, adding that she is grateful for her life and her wonderful babies Luna, 4, and Miles, 2. "On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it."
Teigen has since gotten her late son's name tattooed on her wrist.