“I was wasted,” Madison explained of the experience. “He was literally pushed on top of me. And after it happened, I was just mortified and embarrassed, and it had way more of an emotional impact on me than I thought it would.”
“I wasn’t necessarily expecting to have sex that night. I thought it would be more of a first date — even though, obviously, it’s not a very traditional first date,” Madison said. “I thought it would be more the type of thing where I saw what happened, saw what was going on. If I wasn’t comfortable with it, I wouldn’t have to do anything and I could make my decision on whether I wanted to come back for date No. 2 or not.”
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“I thought he was really smart, I really looked up to him, so I liked him, and it wasn’t that the idea of possibly having sex with him repelled me so much — I know that’s not relatable to a lot of people because they’re like, ‘Oh, he’s an old man, gross,'" the mother-of-two detailed of the Playboy editor-in-chief (who passed away in 2017).
“It was more the group aspect that was really out of my comfort zone and just the feeling of ‘Wow, OK, that happened. Everybody knows it happened," Madison stated of the jarring experience. “I kind of all of a sudden felt like everybody was going to know about me, and I was horrified by it.”
“I felt like, ‘There’s no taking that back, so I might as well get what I came for,'” Madison continued. “I felt like by moving myself in and getting what I wanted from the situation, that was demanding respect in a way.”
“I felt like if I didn’t do that, I was just going to be haunted by this experience,” ex-Playmate explained.
Madison is also set to appear in the A&E docuseries Secrets of Playboy