Valerie Bertinelli Didn't 'Feel Loved' by Ex Eddie Van Halen, Admits Marriage Was Filled With 'Drugs, Alcohol and Infidelity'

Valerie Bertinelli is reflecting on her stressful relationship with late ex-husband Eddie Van Halen.

After admitting "it was not easy" to watch her son Wolfgang Van Halen's episode of Behind the Music, the mom-of-one dished on the private pain she endured while married to the singer.

Bertinelli explained she had to pause the episode "many times because it was just too brutal to watch for many reasons."

"One, seeing Wolfie’s pain. Two, seeing what a better job I could have done as a parent even though he turned out magnificently. I made a lot of mistakes," the chef spilled. "And three, seeing what I had turned of Ed’s and my relationship — into some sort of fantasy, soulmate recreation of history."

Bertinelli, 64, explained she fell in love with the rocker — who died in 2020 at age 65 from cancer — when she was 20 years old, and though things were good for a while, "it rapidly declined into drugs, alcohol and infidelity."

"Nothing that makes you feel loved, wanted and cared for," she confessed. "Nothing that screams ‘soulmate,’ that’s for sure."

"What we had together was this beautiful son that we both unconditionally loved. That’s what I got out of that marriage: Wolfie. The best thing that ever happened to me," she noted. "Not a soulmate.”

The TV star has touched on the ups and downs in their romance in the past, noting she was grateful they were on good terms toward the end of his life.

Never miss a story — sign up for the OK! newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what OK! has to offer. It’s gossip too good to wait for!

"We weren’t really good to each other at a lot of points in our lives because we met so young and were very immature," Bertinelli said on an episode of Today. "But I’m so happy that we were able to come to a beautiful place by the end of his life. I wish he was still here."

The duo married in 1981 and separated in 2001. Their divorce wasn't finalized until 2007.

Bertinelli went on to find love again with Tom Vitale, whom she married in 2011 — but things took a turn south, and they split in 2021. After a very rough divorce — that included Vitale trying to get their prenup thrown out — the One Day a Time actress swore off dating.

However, she was swept off her feet when her friendship with writer Mike Goodnough turned romantic.

"I'm in love. It’s a seesaw of emotions because I was adamant I was never falling in love again," she declared last month in an interview. "I was supposed to die with my six cats and my dog and very happily live the rest of my years alone — I'm good alone."