Nicole Kidman Was 'Unsure of Herself' and the Direction Her Life Was Going in Before Filing for Divorce From Keith Urban, Reveals Journalist

Nicole Kidman didn't see her marriage to Keith Urban ending in heartbreak.

In a new interview that took place after they secretly separated but before she officially filed for divorce on September 30, the actress hinted things in her personal life weren't going as planned.

When asked how she was feeling about life as a 58-year-old, the Oscar winner cryptically replied, "How many times do you have to be taught that you think you know where your life is going and then it isn’t going in that direction?"

Though Kidman didn't mention the split at the time, the Vogue journalist said they "had guessed as much" but didn't outright ask because they "didn't want to pry."

Thankfully, the actress has a few "ride-or-die friendships" she can rely on to keep her head up, and the star noted she also puts her personal troubles into her work.

"That’s the beauty of what I do," the Nine Perfect Strangers alum noted. "There’s a place for some of this to explode, implode, process, discover."

When it comes to the future of her career, Kidman revealed she's "contemplating writing ... but there’s a wealth of things I am compiling in my little psyche."

"So much to say and so little time to say it. About death and life and joy and grief and loss and s-- and why we’re here and what is truth and is truth even necessary," the Australia star said.

"Are we human? Are there parallel universes? What is the future? Do we even care? Are we living in a dream? What is reality? Where are we going? Why do I keep working? Why stop?" she pondered. "You’ll have to tie me down, tie me up!"

As OK! reported, Urban, 57, and Kidman separated over the summer after 19 years of marriage, as the musician moved out while she stayed in Nashville with their two teen daughters.

"Their lives were moving in different directions, and once he quietly set up his own place, it felt like the writing was on the wall," one source told a news outlet.

"It really hasn’t been a secret in their circles that Keith and Nicole have been living separately for a while now," the insider added. "People close to Keith felt like the split was kind of inevitable."

Another insider noted the Big Little Lies star "wanted to fight for them, but Keith had already checked out — and she knew why," the source told columnist Rob Shuter's #ShuterScoop. "It wasn’t about distance, schedules, or bad habits. It was about another woman. And Nicole knows who she is."

"She heard the stories, she saw the signs," the insider claimed. "At some point, the truth becomes impossible to ignore."

While some speculated the other lady could be his 25-year-old guitarist Maggie Baugh due to a flirty onstage moment, it was revealed she has a boyfriend. Neither Urban nor Baugh have addressed the gossip.