Chris Watts is currently behind bars, but the disgraced murder is not happy that people will be able to see what he said to his late wife, Shanann Watts, via text message — just days before he killed her — in the new Netflix documentary, American Murder: The Family Next Door

“He can’t see it, and he’ll probably never see it,” a source told PEOPLE about the 35-year-old. “He’s curious about it, but he hates even knowing that his texts are out there for the public to read. It brings back awful memories of 2018 for him.”

“Chris knows that every part of his life is out there for public consumption,” the insider added. “He hates it. It makes him feel a lot of shame. But he also knows that he brought it upon himself.” 

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On August 13, 2018, Watts strangled his wife, Shanann — who was 15 weeks pregnant at the time — in their Colorado home, and then killed his two daughters, Bella, 4, and Celeste, 3, at his job site on an oil field. 

In the film, Shanann’s love letters to Chris — who was having an affair with his coworker — are revealed, where she professed her love for him. “I miss and love you so much,” she texted Chris after learning she was pregnant. “I am still in shock that we were having a little boy! I am so excited and happy!”

“Thank you for letting me hold you this morning,” she added. “It felt good. Your letter is on the counter.”

“The last five weeks have been so hard,” she admitted in a heartfelt message. “I missed everything about you. I missed your morning breath, your touch, your lips against mine. I miss holding you! I missed smelling you in the sheets. I missed talking to you in person. I missed watching you laugh and play with the kids. I love seeing their smile with you. I missed seeing you naked and on top of me making love.”

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However, their relationship was tense in the last few days of Shanann’s life. “He has changed. I don’t know who he is,” Shanann texted a friend on August 7, 2018.

“He hasn’t touched me all week, kissed me, talked to me except for when I’m trying to figure out what is wrong,” Shanann explained in another text message. “We’ve never had a problem in our relationship like this. No joke. NEVER. THIS IS TOTAL LEFT FIELD. I just want to cry,” she wrote. “What if he really doesn’t love me anymore?!” 

“He refused to hug me after he said he will try to ‘work’ it out! Said he thought another baby would fix his feelings. Said he refused couples counseling,” she wrote.

Chris was sentenced to life in prison for his actions and is currently behind bars at the Dodge Correctional Institution — a prison with maximum security in Wapun, Wisconsin. He was moved there from Colorado for safety reasons. 

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Not only are people curious about the case in general, but employees in the prison are intrigued by Watts. “There’s a lot of curiosity about him in prison,” the insider said. “He’s the most high-profile inmate and what he did is incomprehensible, so everyone wants to know more about the case.”

American Murder: The Family Next Door begins streaming on Netflix on Wednesday, September 30.

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