Shanann Watts was so in love with her husband, Chris Watts, new letters and text messages reveal — just weeks before he killed his pregnant wife. 

In a new Netflix documentary, American Murder: The Family Next Door, which begins streaming on September 30, Shanann was elated once she found out she was expecting their third child. “I miss and love you so much,” she texted Chris after learning she was pregnant. “I am still in shock that we were having a little boy! I am so excited and happy!

“Thank you for letting me hold you this morning,” she added. “It felt good. Your letter is on the counter.”

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Later on, the film shows Shanann’s letters to her husband, in which she details how much he means to her. “The last five weeks have been so hard,” she wrote in a heartfelt note. “I missed everything about you. I missed your morning breath, your touch, your lips against mine. I miss holding you! I missed smelling you in the sheets. I missed talking to you in person. I missed watching you laugh and play with the kids. I love seeing their smile with you. I missed seeing you naked and on top of me making love.”

Despite their relationship being tense, Shanann admitted she was willing to do anything for him. “I can’t and won’t lose you without fighting for ‘us!’ I will always fight for our marriage and you!” she stated. 

“This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through but you are worth it,” she said. “Tell me what you need. I love you, baby with all my heart.”

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On August 13, 2018, Chris strangled his 34-year-old wife — who was 15 weeks pregnant at the time — in their Colorado home, and then killed his two daughters, Bella, 4, and Celeste, 3, at his job site on an oil field. 

After Shanann was nowhere to be found, Watts acted innocent and played the victim. At the time, Watts was actually having an affair with his coworker Nichol Kessinger and told her that he didn’t even know Shanann was expecting until she was reported missing. However, Kessinger told The Denver Post that she “barely knew” Watts and they “had just met.”

Later on, Watts failed a lie detector test and was charged with his family’s murders on August 21, 2018.

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These days, Watts “think[s] about his family” all the time while he’s locked up, a source told PEOPLE. The murderer also keeps a photo of his family next to his bed. “He’s in a hell of his own making,” the insider said. 

American Murder: The Family Next Door begins streaming on Netflix on Wednesday, September 30.

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