Erik Menendez Says Wife Tammi Helped Him Survive Prison by Showing He Was 'Capable of Being Loved': 'I Began to Heal'

Erik Menendez isn't sure what kind of prisoner he would have turned out to be if he hadn't married his wife, Tammi, in June 1999.

During an appearance on the Thursday, February 20, episode of TMZ's "2 Angry Men" podcast with his brother, Lyle, Erik opened up about the growth he experienced throughout the nearly 35 years he's spent behind bars since the Menendez brothers were convicted in 1996 of murdering their parents, Jose and Kitty, in 1989.

"When I first came to prison, I wasn’t just sentenced to prison. I was sentenced to prison to never see my brother again, to never have a hope for freedom," Erik, 54, explained after spending his first 21 years incarcerated at a separate jail than Lyle, 57. "I had to defend myself in a very violent Level 4 — which is considered a maximum security prison — where I didn’t know anyone and I’m 600 miles away from any place that I’d ever really been to."

Erik's early years in prison left him feeling "very alone and afraid," as he admitted: "It was hard for me. I faced a lot of bullying and trauma. It was a dangerous environment. Fortunately, I had the love of a woman that came into my life and brought a little precious daughter."

The younger Menendez brother formed a romantic connection with Tammi after she began writing letters to him. He later became a stepfather to his wife's daughter, Talia, whom she shared with her late husband.

Talia was only 9 months old when her biological dad, Chuck, died by suicide two days after turning himself into police for allegedly raping Tammi's teenage daughter, beginning when she was 15 years old.

In search of comfort, Tammi reached out to Erik — who was in the midst of dealing with his own trauma after murdering his parents as a result of his father allegedly sexually abusing him and Lyle starting at the age of 6.

"I began to experience fatherhood and growth and I began to heal a lot of the self-hate and self-loathing that I dealt with all of my life," Erik continued regarding the joy Tammi brought him. "When I came to prison, I didn’t come to prison healed. I came to prison dealing with the traumatic wounds of my past and the tragic crime that resulted. I had to face all of those truths and journey through that dark place of prison."

"A lot of my freedom came from understanding that I’m actually someone that is capable of being loved and that I deserve love," he confessed. "I’m striving to be a good person. I’m striving to be a better person every day and I want to be a person that my family can be proud of for certain. I want my daughter to be proud of me and my wife to be proud of me and my extended family to be proud of me and my brother to be proud of me."

While it was "very, very difficult" for Erik to make it through each day, he shared: "When I began to really work on myself and realize that I’m not flawed and that there isn’t something inherently wrong with me, then light began to open up."

"I began to love myself again. That frankly is what has given me hope. For people that are victims of severe childhood trauma, we live in the shadows and in this inner pain and in this silence where we have self-humiliation, self-condemnation and self-loathing," Erik concluded.