Billie Eilish Reveals 'Barbie' Helped Her Get Out of a 'Dark' Place, Admits She 'Spent a Lot of Time' Not Wanting to Be Alive
Billie Eilish is more than proud to be a part of the Barbie soundtrack.
At the Thursday, January 4, Palm Springs Film Awards, the singer discussed her mental health journey and how the movie helped her heal as she accepted an award for her tune "What Was I Made For?"
"Any recognition that this song gets I just want to dedicate to anyone who experiences hopelessness and the feeling of existential dread and feeling like, 'What’s the point and why am I here and what am I doing this for?'" the Grammy winner, 22, began her victory speech.
"I think we all feel like that occasionally. If somebody like me with the amount of privilege that I have and the incredible things I get to do and be, and how I have really not wanted to be here — sorry, it’s kinda dark, d--- — but I’ve spent a lot of time feeling that way," Eilish continued. "I just want to say to anyone that feels that way, be patient with yourself and know that it is, I think, worth it all, and I think that it’s good to be alive now."
The California native admitted she "didn't feel" that way for "a long time," including when she and brother Finneas were asked to the write the song.
"I was in a dark episode I guess, and things didn’t make sense," Eilish explained. "Life, I just didn’t understand what the point was, and why we keep going. [I was] questioning everything in the world."
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"Honestly, going to see the movie and being shown the small amount we were shown… I was just watching [the character] Barbie, like, say and feel things that I really resonated with and felt," the crooner shared. "I felt so seen, and I did not expect that, and I think this movie is the most incredible, most empowering, beautiful, funny and unbelievable piece of art in the world, and I‘m so honored to be a part of it."
The "Bad Guy" vocalist has been very straightforward about her mental health, previously revealing that she started experiencing depression as young as 13. At the time, she suffered a hip injury that sidelined her from dancing.
“It sent me down a hole," she recalled to Rolling Stone. "I went through a whole self-harming phase — we don’t have to go into it. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain.”
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“It’s funny. When anyone else thinks about Billie Eilish at 14, they think of all the good things that happened," she confessed. "But all I can think of is how miserable I was. How completely distraught and confused. Thirteen to 16 was pretty rough.”
Entertainment Weekly reported on Eilish's speech at the Palm Springs Film Awards.