Chrissy Teigen is addressing her past offensive behavior on Twitter after being the center of a cyberbullying scandal for weeks.
"Hi all. It has been a VERY humbling few weeks," she began her lengthy note following her exit from social media due to multiple shocking claims made against her. While acknowledging that many probably don't want to hear about her struggles in recent weeks, she said she's "been sitting in a hole of deserved global punishment, the ultimate 'sit here and think about what you’ve done.'"
OK! reported that Teigen first came under fire in May when non-binary model Courtney Stodden accused her of bullying them on Twitter back in 2011. At the time, the social media personality fired off vicious messages to the then teenager, allegedly telling Stodden to go kill themselves.
The 35-year-old admitted that "not a day, not a single moment has passed where I haven’t felt the crushing weight of regret for the things I’ve said in the past." Teigen then directly addressed the "awful (awful, awful) tweets" that have resurfaced, noting she is "truly ashamed of them."
"As I look at them and understand the hurt they caused, I have to stop and wonder: How could I have done that?" she continued.
On Wednesday, May 12, the wife of John Legend took to Twitter to express her remorse for cyber-bullying Stodden. However, the newly engaged model wasn't the only celebrity Teigen went after on social media.
"I’ve apologized publicly to one person, but there are others — and more than just a few — who I need to say I’m sorry to," the mother-of-two said. Teigen said she has been privately reaching out to all the individuals she hurt, understanding that "they may not want to speak to [her]."
The other people she may be reaching out to are Lindsay Lohan — who has a history dealing with self-harm and insecurities — and Farrah Abraham. Apart from joking that "Lindsay adds a few more slits to her wrists when she sees Emma Stone," via Twitter, Teigen mocked the 16 and Pregnant alum for making a sex tape, according to Abraham.
Legend's wife said her "targets" didn't warrant her "past horrible tweets," adding that no one deserves to receive the hateful messages she previously sent people. "Many of them needed empathy, kindness, understanding and support, not my meanness masquerading as a kind of casual, edgy humor," she continued.
To put it simply, "I was a troll, full stop," Teigen admitted. "And I am so sorry."
Teigen reflected on when she first began using social media, noting that she "had so much fun with it." And while it was created to connect "people all over the world to learn, create, and find kindred spirits," she chose to use the platforms "to snark at some celebrities."
Behind the screen, Teigen said she was insecure, immature and felt she "needed to impress strangers to be accepted." The cookbook author confessed to trying to gain attention whenever there was "a pop culture pile-on."
Teigen would go on Twitter and "show off what I at the time believed was a crude, clever, harmless quip. I thought it made me cool and relatable if I poked fun at celebrities," she truthfully stated.
Now looking back at the messages she sent those stars, Teigen cringes to her core, noting that she'll "honestly get sharp, stabbing pains in my body, randomly remembering my a**hole past, and I deserve it."
Teigen eventually came to the realization that she was not just sending those awful messages to avatars online but rather real individuals behind a screen. "Words have consequences and there are real people behind the Twitter handles I went after," she wrote. "I wasn’t just attacking some random avatar, but hurting young women — some who were still girls — who had feelings."
She then questioned how she could have ever thought that it was OK to send such "cruel" words. "Why did I think there was some invisible psycho-celebrity formula that prevents anyone with more followers from experiencing pain?" she wondered. "What gave me the right to say these things?"
Teigen insisted she "wasn't mean in [her] everyday life." In fact, people would even go up to her and say, "You're so much nicer in person." However, Teigen never thought twice about why people would say that to her. "At the time, I just didn’t get it. Believe me, I get it now," she stated.
After emphasizing that she isn't seeking pity nor sympathy, she said she is a completely different person now. "I grew up, got therapy, got married, had kids, got more therapy, experienced loss and pain, got more therapy and experienced more life. AND GOT MORE THERAPY," she wrote.
After going from trolling celebrities to becoming a celebrity who gets trolled online, Teigen noted: "the irony of this is not lost on me." While explaining the motivation behind trolling, she said there is an "instant gratification that you get from lashing out and clapping back, throwing rocks at someone you think is invincible because they’re famous."
While wrapping up her apology, she discussed her impact on her and the EGOT winner's children, Luna, 5, and Miles, 3. "John tells me almost every day how much our daughter Luna reminds him of me," the brunette babe — who has lost multiple business deals in light of the shocking bullying claims — said.
Teigen said she tries to make sure Luna has all the best parts of herself and that of who she aspires to be. "And we preach kindness to her and Miles every chance we get," she explained of her and Legend's parenting style.
She then questioned if her kiddos will one day learn that there is some "hypocrisy there," given that she emphasizes kindness but has been cruel to others. The embattled celebrity candidly said she hopes her children learn of the irony but "recognize" her evolution.
"My goal is to be so good that my kids will think this was all a fairy tale. Not the fake good. The good that has the best intentions, the good who wakes up wanting to make her friends, family, her team and fans as happy as possible," she stated in her apology.
She concluded by praising social media for the way it has connected so many people. Teigen reiterated that she is not asking for "forgiveness" but a chance to own up to her past mistakes and grow as a person. "The world needs more kindness and love and I want to contribute to it," she deduced. "We are all more than our worst moments."