Ashley Morgan Smithline, one of the 15 women who have accused Marilyn Manson of sexual, psychological and physical abuse, is speaking out and holding nothing back.
"I survived a monster," Smithline said after first naming the metal rocker as her abuser in February.
During their two-year relationship — which began in the summer of 2010 — Smithline claimed she was sexually assaulted by the "The Beautiful People" crooner countless times, alleging that he whipped her, bit her, cut her with a swastika-emblazoned knife, imprisoned her in a glass box, shoved his fist in her mouth during sex and more.
Manson and the red-headed beauty connected while she was modeling in Asia. At the time, he reached out to her about an acting role in a film, and she was instantly charmed by his knowledge. "He lured me in with this endless intelligence," she recalled of their initial interactions while discussing the potential gig.
"He seemed brilliant and I still think he is," Smithline admitted. "We talked about Nabokov and Tolstoy and foreign films and not in a pretentious 'first year of film school' way. In a way of really appreciating art and literature."
However, Manson started to get "slowly more and more invasive," she said — he would send Smithline dozens of messages at all hours of the day and night, she claimed.
Towards the beginning of their relationship, the 52-year-old allegedly asked Smithline — who is of Jewish descent — to find Nazi memorabilia while she was abroad. According to the model, Manson wanted her to bring the memorabilia, such as throwing stars, knives and whips, back to him in L.A.
"He kind of made it like this is just like a joke between us," she told PEOPLE, noting she was unaware of his intentions with the memorabilia. "I think at that point, I was already coerced enough that I felt he would not like me if I didn't bring those things. If I'd known the weapons would be used on me, I think it would have felt a lot stranger."
Smithline first flew to Los Angeles to meet the rocker in November 2010. During her stay in the sunny state, he got her a room at the Roosevelt Hotel, she said, before she moved into his West Hollywood apartment, which she described as a freezing "black refrigerator," days later.
The alleged abuse, she said, first started while filming. She claimed that Manson whipped her back as she lay face down and naked on the bed. Since the windows were blacked out, Manson would lie about the time of day and force her to work into the early hours of the morning, Smithline maintained.
She also recounted the first time the physical abuse became sexual. Smithline said she woke up screaming after realizing her arms were tied, as Manson allegedly raped her while she was asleep. According to Smithline, "He kept telling me, 'You can't rape someone that you're in love with.'"
During her relationship with Manson, Smithline reportedly weighed less than 80 lbs. She claimed the singer would cut her protruding ribs and carved his initials into her thigh. "I was brainwashed, and it makes me feel disgusting," she said of the scar she still has to this day.
In addition to the tumultuous affair, Smithline said there was a blood pact made weeks into their relationship. "He cut me on my stomach and then drank my blood. Then, he had me drink his," she claimed. "The more I let him hurt me, the more I loved him and the more I was proving myself to him."
She also said there was a "bad girls room" — a glass box in his bedroom — which she was apparently sent to more than 100 times. Some of the other women who accused Manson of abuse also said they were put into the room, the outlet reported.
"If I had to pee while he was replaying one of his songs I'd heard 30,000 times, I'd have to be locked in the box," Smithline explained, recalling how she "was malnourished and cold."
Over the course of her two-year relationship with Manson, she would work as a model in Asia for months at a time and then return to Manson in L.A. She recalled one incident when her nose was broken during what PEOPLE described as "a rape struggle" right before she had to fly to Japan for a job.
"At one point I asked him, 'Do you want me to kill myself? Do you want me to just f**king kill myself?'" she said, which allegedly made Manson laugh. In response, he forced her to watch suicide scenes from films.
She first tried to leave Manson a year into their relationship. Smithline attempted to flee after Manson, whom she alleged abused alcohol and cocaine, scolded her for being tired during a 3 a.m. photoshoot. However, like many victims of domestic abuse, Smithline felt unable to leave her abuser.
"I want to think that I never went back again," she admitted. "I wanted to go back on my terms and be in control, but it doesn't ever work like that."
After Smithline moved out of Manson's home, she continued to see him during his tour breaks. They stopped seeing each other in January 2013.
Smithline — who continues to suffer from OCD, night terrors and PTSD — was finally able to begin her healing process last September when several other women, including actresses Evan Rachel Wood, Esmé Bianco and more, came forward about their own experiences with Manson.
"Being with the other girls, these feelings of guilt and shame have lessened," she said before clarifying that she is "not a victim."
"I'm a f**king survivor. I want people to know who he is, and it's worth it if not one more woman gets hurt again," she concluded.
After multiple women accused Manson of abuse, he responded to the allegations in February, saying his "Intimate relationships have always been entirely consensual with like-minded partners." He insisted all the women's stories are "horrible distortions of reality."
Manson is currently being investigated for domestic abuse by the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department.