Tearful Jana Kramer Admits She's 'Embarrassed' With End Of Mike Caussin Marriage, Realizes She Was 'Weak For Staying'
Jana Kramer is opening up about why she decided to end her tumultuous marriage with Mike Caussin.
On Monday, May 3, the country singer candidly admitted she's been having a hard time with the couple's divorce while getting emotional about continuing her "Wine Down with Jana Kramer" podcast — which was once branded with her soon-to-be ex-husband's name.
"I filed for divorce a few weeks ago, and it has not been easy, I'll say that," the 37-year-old said at the start of her podcast episode, adding: "I don't know if I want to do this show anymore if I'm being completely honest. I started the show by myself, and it's something I always wanted to do... It just felt like ours, and now it just feels weird not having him on here. It just feels weird."
Pal Sara Gretzky — who flew into Nashville to be with Kramer during this time — tried to boost the mother-of-two's spirits, praising her for addressing her divorce on the podcast. The blonde bombshell also acknowledged Kramer's "insane army" of fans who have been supporting her.
Despite her friend's kind words, Kramer continued to grieve the end of her relationship, confessing it's been hard to take care of the couple's children, Jolie, 5, and Jace, 2, while she's struggling on a day-to-day basis.
"When I grieve, I isolate. I don't respond to my people, and I just stay in my bed," Kramer said. "The morning and the night are the hardest because I wake up because it's like that scene in Sex and the City where she's like, 'Was it a dream?'"
The brunette beauty admitted through tears: "It's so hard when I have all these feelings and emotions and then I have to be a mom on top of it," explaining: "The first week I counted down to nap time cause I can go in my room and just shut the door and cry, just cry and then button it back up."
Luckily, Kramer has been able to find a silver lining to the former flames' divorce.
When asked by her producer if there was anything that brought her a sense of relief, the actress said it was "nice to not have to wonder and worry" because she was "always afraid of that moment," referring to discovering Caussin's alleged infidelity.
OK! previously reported Kramer cited "adultery," along with "inappropriate marital misconduct" and "irreconcilable differences" as her reasons for separating from the former NFL player. She decided to finally pull the trigger on their split after she "uncovered once again that he cheated on her."
During the podcast episode, Kramer recalled a previous conversation she had with Caussin, 34, regarding his alleged cheating. "We even had a conversation before everything came to light and I was just like, 'If there's anything, I don't want to find it. Whatever it is, we can work through it,'" the "I Got the Boy" crooner said. "It was just such a connected moment. He swore on his sobriety there was nothing."
Kramer admitted that she suffered from intense depression following their split, sharing that she "couldn't even put glasses in the dishwasher."
While confessing that she's the "weakest" she's "ever been," Kramer told her listeners that she stayed married to Caussin for her kids; however, her therapist insisted she shouldn't want "to live this life where it's taking your light away."
"I'm embarrassed that this is how it ended, and I also think that I've let people down," she candidly continued, explaining that she's been so open with the public about the couple's troublesome relationship for it to just fail in the end.
Wrapping up the episode, the podcast host said she's worried when her kids leave her home to spend time with their father. "I'm going to be destroyed," she insisted of their eventual departure.
"It's not what I wanted. It's not what I worked for," she continued. "It's not what I fought for. And it's not fair, and that's what makes me so angry, I worked too damn hard for it to end this way."
While looking back on her and Caussin's six years of marriage, she said: "I always thought I was strong by staying. I'm now weak for staying."
Kramer announced the couple's split on Wednesday, April 21. "I’ve fought y’all. I’ve loved hard. I’ve forgiven. I’ve put the work in. I’ve given everything I have, and now I have nothing else to give," she wrote via Instagram at the time.
The estranged couple wed in 2015 and briefly split one year later — less than a year after welcoming their daughter — because Caussin had been unfaithful. After Caussin entered into treatment for sex addiction, because his wife gave him an ultimatum, the pair renewed their vows the following year.
